


Sinners at Eden's Gate

by Thotful_writing



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Blood and Torture, Choking, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Grinding, Hair-pulling, Hand Jobs, Oral Sex, Sexual Tension, Vaginal Fingering, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2019-10-09 18:13:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17411777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thotful_writing/pseuds/Thotful_writing
Summary: You returned to Hope County to join the Resistance in fighting Joseph Seed and his cult followers. While liberating an outpost you were captured and brought to John's Ranch for confession of your sins. Though John is known for his violent methods, you feel a connection to him and his plight.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter includes no smut, but don't let that turn you away as the second one does. Please leave me comments about your likes or dislikes!
> 
>  
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr where I get into even more trouble with the Seeds: thotful-writing

You trembled with fear, not just for your life, but for what happens between now and your inevitable death. You knew joining the Resistance was a bad idea, you should have never gotten involved, but you did. The Peggies were causing havoc on Hope County, the Seed family running rampant, doing as they please, all in the name of religion. Your family had moved away before all of this took place, but you felt something pulling you back when you caught word of what was going on. Your parents begged you not to go, but you were always stubborn and hard headed, and that’s how you ended up in this situation, tied to a chair, blindfolded, awaiting your judgement.

You flinched when you heard the squeak of the heavy door, you listened for voices but heard nothing more than footsteps on the concrete floor. Suddenly the blindfold was removed, you squinted your eyes, adjusting to the bright light over your head. When you could finally focus you saw them, the three men who were solely responsible for everything. You heard stories about them, Joseph was The Father, the leader of the whole operation. Jacob was the oldest brother, his role was security and recruitment, then there was John, the youngest brother. He served to obtain confession from sinners, in any way possible.

“What’s your name, my child?” Joseph Seed stood directly in front of you.

“P-Please, let me go, please.” You begged, tugging on the restraints around your wrists.

“All in good time. Who are you?” He asked again, kneeling in front of you.

“I’m… I’m nobody. Just please let me go.” You knew you couldn’t tell them your name, they’d know exactly who your family was and it would just cause more problems.

“She isn’t going to talk without some… persuasion.” Jacob spoke up.

Joseph looked you over, his hand turning your face side to side. He finally stood up, staring down at you. You looked at the other men, Jacob standing directly behind Joseph, staring at you. John was leaned against the door frame, his eyes moving up and down you as if he was trying to figure something out, he stayed silent.

“Sweet, sweet child, your silence will be your undoing.” Joseph said before turning to leave, his brothers following suit.

You weren’t sure how long you had been there, you had faint memories of attacking one of their outposts and being knocked out, but nothing more about being brought here, wherever here was. You were still tied to the chair when you heard the door unlock, you immediately sat up when Joseph walked in. He was carrying some supplies with him, he sat them down on the floor in front of you.

“What do you want from me?”

“I want nothing more than to save your soul, my child.” Joseph pulled up a chair and placed it in front of you.

He picked up the supplies he brought and began cleaning your wounds. You had a few scratches, but the worst was a gash on your forehead. He tried to be gentle, but it still stung when he touched the wounds, making you wince.

“I don’t think my soul is any of your concern.” You snapped, knowing your mouth always got you into trouble.

“Oh, but it is. All souls are my concern, for I am The Father, the salvation to the wickedness of the world.” He continued his work on your wounds.

“What’s going to happen to me?”

“You need to confess your sins first, then we will offer you Atonement.”

“I don’t have any sins to confess to. Can’t you just let me go?” You pleaded, he stopped his work and stared into your eyes.

“We have all sinned, my child.” He put away the bloodied cloths and moved the chair from in front of you.

You looked up and saw John in the doorway, how long had he been there? You didn’t notice him before, and he hasn’t spoken a word. His eyes never left yours as he stared at you. Joseph noticed you looking at each other and interrupted your staring contest.

“John is here to help. To help you unburden and confess your sins.” He motioned for his brother to enter the room.

Your heart began to pound in your chest, John made you nervous, his silence, the way he stared at you, and of course the things you had heard about him. He approached you slowly, his intense stare made you shift your gaze to the floor.

“Oh yes, she has much to confess.” He finally spoke.

“I will leave you to it.” Joseph turned to his brother before leaving, placing his hand on his shoulder.

“Remember brother, you have to love them, even with their sins.” With that he left, closing the door behind him.

John stood in front of you, he leaned down close to you, mere inches from your face.

“You will say ‘Yes’, ‘Yes’ to being a sinner, to confession, and to Atonement.”

You struggled in the chair, pulling on the restraints, you knew what John would do to you, what he had done to many before. You started to panic, breathing heavily at his closeness. He noticed your unease.

“You’re trembling, do I frighten you?”

“Please, let me go. I never should have come back to this God forsaken town.” You begged him, regretting your decision to come here.

“Come back? This isn’t your first visit to Hope County, is it?” He looked at you with bewilderment, you remained silent, not wanting to give away anything else.

“You have secrets, don’t worry, we’ll uncover them one by one.”

You knew you had made a mistake, you just wanted to go home, but now there was no way they’d release you. You tried pulling on the restraints again, John still held his gaze on you as you squirmed, he straightened and walked away from you momentarily. He returned with a knife, the blade only about 4 inches, but still sharp. He toyed with it in his hands, shifting it from one to the other as he paced in front of you. You had heard of the torture he inflicted on his victims, how he persuaded them to say ‘Yes’. You kept your eyes on the knife in his hand as he approached you, bringing it up close to your cheek.

“Physical pain is fleeting, temporary, one slice into your skin and you feel pain until you begin to heal. Sins are the same, you sin and they hurt your soul, they fester and become infected until you begin to heal. I’m going to help you heal, but first we must uncover what sins you hold.” He dragged the knife across your skin, careful not to apply pressure enough to cut you just yet.

“Wrath, envy, sloth, lust, greed, gluttony, or pride… Which ones do you suffer from… And where should we put it for all to see?” He moved the knife down your neck to your chest, your breathing was heavy as you watched him.

He grabbed the collar of your shirt, pulling you forward before bringing the knife up and cutting your shirt open. He cut it just enough for him to rip it the rest of the way with his hands, leaving you exposed to him. He stared down at your chest for a moment, eyes moving over the lace bra you were wearing, he finally looked up at you.

“I believe we know what your sin is… Lust.”

“No! I haven’t sinned, I have nothing to atone for. Please let me go!” You begged, your heart pounding even louder now.

“We all sin! Even the Father has sinned. This will go much smoother if you jusy say ‘Yes’.”

You thought about his words, what saying ‘Yes’ would mean. You’d be betraying everything you’d worked so hard for, you’d be joining the enemy. You needed to know more, to know exactly what would happen to you.

“What happens if I say ‘Yes’?”

“You will be offered Atonement for your sins, then Eden’s Gate will be open to you. You will have salvation. You will finally be free from your sins and the weight they place on your soul. Will you say ‘Yes’?”

 “No. Fuck you and fuck your cult!” You spit in John’s face, John smirked at your defiance, he knew you wouldn’t cave that easily. He wiped your spit from his cheek, smiling.

Without warning John dropped the knife to the floor, he stood over you and grabbed your throat, squeezing, cutting off your airway. You struggled for breath, pulling at your restraints, his eyes bore into you, you could see just how much he enjoyed inflicting pain on others. You began to feel dizzy, lightheaded as you struggled to fill your lungs. Just as your face was turning purple, he released you, you gasped and choked for air. John stepped back from you as he watched your face turn a normal color and your breathing stabilize after a few minutes.

“I’ll never say ‘Yes’. I’ll never join you, you’re all fucking insane!” You shouted.

John stayed silent, a grin spreading across his face. He bent down, grabbing the knife from the floor, toying with it in his hands again, he brought it back to your face and pressed it into the skin on your cheek, dragging the blade down, cutting you. You screamed out in pain as the knife cut through the layers of skin.

“Normally I would use leverage against someone to show them the power of ‘Yes’, but I don’t think that will work with you. So I’m going to have to be… creative.”

He moved the blade down to your shoulder, mimicking his actions again, pressing the blade into your skin and dragging it down, you cried out in pain again, begging him to stop. Blood started to stream from your fresh wounds. Your cries seemed to have no affect on him, he looked as calm as ever as he inflicted pain upon you, cutting your chest, your stomach, and your sides. The blade now dripping with your blood as he left several marks across your body.

“I was like you once, full of rage and hate, I also refused to say ‘Yes’. How I remember those beatings, how hard I fought against my parents as they tried to break my will. But when I finally said ‘Yes’, finally… I was truly free. You’ll break, sooner than you think.”

You stared up at him, tears mixing with the blood on your cheek. John turned and left the room, closing the door behind him, leaving you alone.

The days passed, no food, no water, no contact. No one had been in to torture you or talk to you, nothing but absolute silence and your own thoughts. You began to think maybe you had died, that this was Hell. The first day you screamed, yelled for help, but help never came and your voice eventually gave out. The next day you cried until you had no tears left, you begged and pleaded for someone to save you, but no one did. The third day you began to beg for death, for it to end already. On the fourth day you had fallen asleep in the chair, exhausted, you were suddenly pulled from your sleep when you heard the door opening. You never thought it would be possible, but you were actually glad to see John Seed entering the room.

“Sorry for leaving you alone so long, sweetheart.” He walked around behind you and cut the restraints on your wrists.

Your arms ached as you brought them around in front of you, you looked over the marks on your wrists from the rope, indentions that wouldn’t fade for at least a few days. John moved in front of you, offering you his hand, you had no choice but to take it. You thought you’d be able to stand on your own, not realizing how weak your muscles had become in just a few days. You stood and immediately fell into John, grabbing his forearms for support. He held you up effortlessly, stepping back to help you move your legs some. You were confused at his demeanor, you were sure he was toying with you, but how?

“Can you stand?” He asked, you nodded your head, unsure if you could even speak anymore.

He moved away slowly, letting you stand on your own without help. You stood in the middle of the room, trembling, weak. Just as you were about to ask him something Joseph entered the room. He glanced over your body, your shirt still torn open, your weakened form, dried blood from the cuts John had made, bruises formed around your neck, and starved.

“John, what have you done?” He grew more upset as he stared at you.

John remained silent, no longer looking at you, his gaze dropped to the floor.

“This is not Atonement, this is torture, I told you she has a special place in our work. You will fix this, or the Gates of Eden will be closed to you.” Joseph didn’t say another word and left the room quickly.

John followed him out into the hall, you could hear bits and pieces of what they were saying.

“Clean her up and give her some food. I will not see her like this again, do you understand?”

“Yes, Joseph.” John’s voice was low.

You continued standing, your legs beginning to shake. John entered the room again and grabbed your arm before you could fall. He looked like a puppy who had been scolded.

“Do not think you have avoided saying ‘Yes’. You will Atone.”

John helped walk you out of the room and up a set of stairs, you were hesitant, not knowing what to expect. But you had no choice other than to follow. He opened a steal door at the top of the stairs, when you stepped out you looked around, you were in a house, a nice house.

“Where are we?” You turned to John.

“This is my ranch.” He answered curtly.

He continued guiding you through the house, you came to another set of stairs, you were so weak, you lifted your leg to go up the steps but couldn’t. John saw your struggle and decided it would be easier if he just carried you. He swept your legs out from under you, lifting you with ease and carrying you up the steps. You thought he’d put you down at the top, but he continued carrying you into a large bedroom and then to a bathroom. He finally placed your feet back on the ground. You had a million questions but kept them to yourself. John walked over and turned the water on for the bath. He returned to you and reached to remove your clothes, what was left of them anyways. You recoiled from his touch, stepping back.

“Let me do this or I’ll put you back down in the cellar.” He demanded reaching for you again.

This time you complied, letting him remove the tattered remains of your shirt, his hands moving around to your back unclasping your bra. You immediately brought your hands up to cover your breasts from his eyes, he smirked at you. His hands travelled around to the waistband of your pants, unbuttoning them and making quick work of pulling them and your panties down your legs, you steadied yourself by placing a hand on his shoulder, stepping out of your clothes. You were now completely exposed to John Seed, something you never thought would happen. His eyes roamed over your naked form, you felt small under his gaze, you cleared your throat breaking his concentration on your body. He grabbed your arm and pulled you towards the bath, helping you step in. you sank down in the water, letting it envelop you completely.

It had been a while since you had a bath, even with the Resistance you only had quick showers with cold water. You closed your eyes and leaned back in the tub, the water felt amazing on your cold skin, you almost forgot where you were and who you were with. You opened your eyes to see John kneeling beside the tub, washcloth in hand.

“I have to clean you. If you cooperate, I’ll be gentle.”

You nodded your head, giving him permission to touch you. He soaked the rag and brought it up to your neck, wiping away some of the dirt and dried blood from you, being careful not to hurt the wounds on your chest and shoulder. He continued his actions over the rest of your body. You never heard any stories of John having a soft side or being gentle in any manner, but he was, with you in this moment, you wondered how long it would last before he was torturing you again. You had a million questions and decided now was as good a time as any.

“Why is Joseph angry with you? Aren’t you supposed to torture people?” You finally spoke, your voice still shaky.

He inhaled deeply before answering, “He sees some of my methods as cruel, unwarranted. That I inflict pain for personal reasons.” He washed over another one of your cuts, making you wince slightly.

“What did he mean when he said I was ‘special to your work’?”

“He says you will be an important part of Eden’s Gate, after society has collapsed and all who have not repented and atoned for their sins are wiped from the Earth, we shall start anew.”

“Are you going to kill me?”

John stilled, looking into your eyes, “It is not my place to take your life.”

You thought about his words, how would you be useful? You were the enemy, completely opposite of them. John was behaving differently towards you, you wondered what else The Father had said to him, what else they had planned for you. John finished washing you and helped you out of the tub, wrapping a towel around you. You couldn’t help but feel sorry for John, his obvious struggle internally and wanting to please Joseph. He helped you dry off as you stared up at him, trying to figure out if he was toying with you again, tricking you in some way. John noticed you staring at him and stopped his movements, his eyes drawn to your parted lips. You could feel your pulse quicken as you stared at each other for what seemed like forever.

John inched his face closer to yours slowly, you could feel the warmth radiating from his body as he drew closer to you. He reached up, cupping your face with one hand before pressing his lips to yours softly, you leaned in further, deepening the kiss. You knew you had to be crazy to be kissing John Seed, he had just tortured you for days, but you felt something with him, a connection. If you were going to be his captive, might as well get close to him. You steadied yourself on his forearms, gripping them lightly as you continued to kiss. John broke away from the kiss before planting soft kisses on the wound on your cheek, making his way down to the one on your shoulder. You dropped the towel from around you and stepped forward, pressing your wet body against his. His hands moved down your body, feeling every inch of soft skin, his thumb traced over one of the cuts he had made on your stomach, causing you to wince. He grinned at the action, knowing he caused you pain but you were still allowing him to touch you.

“John…” You moaned in response, you voice barely a whisper.

“Mm, say it again.” He growled against your skin.

You opened your mouth to repeat his name, “John?” Someone shouted from downstairs before you could say it.

John immediately stopped kissing you and looked at you, confusion in his eyes. Someone shouted his name again, you started to panic, knowing this definitely wasn’t allowed.

“Stay here. Do not move.” John said before he left the room.

You could hear faint voices downstairs, you moved closer, trying to listen to what they were saying. You stepped out into the hallway to listen, you could hear Jacob talking.

“Where is she?” Jacob asked.

“She is upstairs, bathing. Joseph requested it.” John replied.

“You wouldn’t have been up there doing anything…sinful, would you John?”

“No. Of course not.”

“Shame. Maybe I should go check on her, make sure she’s completely clean.” Your heart began to pound as you listened.

“No. Joseph does not want her harmed anymore than we already have.” John stepped in front of Jacob.

“We? You mean ‘more than _you_ already have’. I can’t believe he trusted you with her, you’ll destroy her before you get any semblance of a confession.”

John could feel his anger rising, he had already been scolded by Joseph, he didn’t need it from Jacob. Before he could act on his aggression Joseph entered the room.

“Brothers, what is the problem here? We should not be fighting each other.”

Both men stepped back from one another, straightening themselves in the presence of The Father.

“Where is our guest, John?”

“She’s taking a bath. Once she is finished, I’ll return her to the cellar.”

“No, you’ll set up a room for her up here. No more dark, dirty basements. The key to salvation is kindness, I told you, we must love them, even with their sins.”

“Let me take her with me, you know he won’t be able to hold back, and he’ll end up killing her before she says ‘Yes’. He’s too sadistic.” Jacob interrupted.

“John knows this is his last chance, without her Atonement he will be cast out of Eden’s Gate. I will return to check on your progress soon.” Joseph turned to leave, Jacob following behind him.

You stepped back into the bedroom, you looked around and found a t-shirt laid out on the bed, he must have put it out for you. You threw it on as you heard his footsteps coming up the stairs. He stopped in the doorway, looking at you as you stood waiting for him, wearing one of his shirts he left out, the fabric clinging to your still damp body. He stared at you as if he was contemplating whether or not to pounce on you right there, but he refrained, knowing this was not what The Father would want.

“Am I going back down to the basement?” You asked even though you already knew the answer.

“No. The Father has requested you stay here. He thinks kindness will persuade you.”

“What do you think?”

“I… It doesn’t matter. I do as I am instructed.” John seemed more solemn after his encounter with his brothers.

“I’m not going to say ‘Yes’ because you give me basic human rights.”

“I know. You’re not going to be easily swayed, but I still have to try.” He smirked at your sudden confidence.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were adjusting to your time with John, things had changed between the two of you, no longer torturing you for fun, he began to struggle internally with his own sins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of smut in this chapter.

A few days had gone by, John set you up in your own room. You still couldn’t sleep for worrying about your situation, what was going to happen if you continued to refuse them, what’s going to happen between you and John? He often kept his distance from you, hesitant to be alone or close to you. You both knew it couldn’t continue like this though, you were pretty much living together. One night you had finally managed to fall asleep, but your dreams were plagued with horrendous images of death and destruction. You woke up instantly, sweating, your breathing heavy, you were scared and needed to reach out to the only other person around, John. You slid out of your bed and tiptoed down the hall to his room, you lightly knocked on his door, but there was no response. You opened the door and entered the room quietly, approaching the bed where he lay, silent and peaceful.

“John?” You whispered but received no response, you moved closer to him.

“John, can I stay in here for a little while?” You whispered close to his ear.

Finally, he stirred, “Why?” He asked still half asleep.

“I-I had a terrible dream and I just don’t want to be alone right now. Just for a bit, please?”

“Alright, just for a bit. Once you’ve calmed down you go back to your room. And stay on your side of the bed.” He moved over pulling the covers back for you to join him.

You climbed in beside him, scooting underneath the covers, the bed was warm from his body heat. You were still hesitant about him, but he was all you had for human interaction. You planned to lie there until you felt better, but accidently fell asleep. John shifted in his sleep, groaning as he stretched, but he was limited in how much he could move. You had wrapped yourself around him in your sleep, arms across his waist, legs thrown across his. As he tried to move you nuzzled your head against his bare chest, sighing a little. He wasn’t sure what to do, he didn’t want to wake you, but being this close to you was unnerving. Luckily, he didn’t have to decide, you groggily opened your eyes and peered up at him, your pulse quickened as you laid on his broad chest looking up into his blue eyes, neither of you moving.

“Morning.” He finally broke the silence, his eyes grazing over your body curled against him.

“Morning. I-I didn’t mean to fall asleep, it was just so warm and comfortable.” 

“What was your dream about?”

“I saw people dying, a lot of people, and there were explosions and darkness.” You neglected to reveal the other part of the dream, where you saw John standing, reaching out to you, offering you salvation. 

You stared up at him, his eyes full of hope, you wanted to believe he was kind and caring somewhere inside. You slowly began to untangle yourself from him, but he grabbed your thigh and stopped you before you could move though.

He rolled onto his side, draping your leg across his hip as he moved closer to you. He grabbed your waist pulling you closer, his lips traced over yours, not quite touching, but close, you felt each breath he took in and exhaled against your lips. You were tired of waiting, you pressed your lips to his, his tongue lapping at your bottom lip, he pulled you closer, pressing you against his chest, this kiss was filled with much more passion than your first. His arms held you still as he rolled you onto your back, settling himself between your legs, which you gladly opened, welcoming him. Every voice in your head told you this was wrong, that you should hate him, but your body responded differently. He deepened the kiss, his tongue pushing between your lips, intertwining with your own. He rolled his hips against your center, eliciting a moan from you as you felt his growing erection. You bit down on his bottom lip, he groaned in response and grabbed at your hips. You lifted your hips and ground them against him, you could feel the wetness between your legs increasing. 

“John?” You heard Joseph coming up the stairs, stopping your movements.

“Every. Fucking. Time.” John growled, jumping up from the bed he threw on a shirt and left the room, catching Joseph in the hallway before he reached his room.

You weren’t sure if you should hide or stay there, you decided not to move so you didn’t make any sound. You listened intensely, trying to hear what they were saying.

“Brother, still in bed this late in the morning?” 

“I didn’t sleep well. What can I help you with, Joseph?” John answered quickly.

“I want you to bring our guest to service this morning. It will help in her confession.”

“I’ll wake her and make sure she’s there.”

Joseph thanked John for his commitment and help and took his leave. John returned to you sitting up in his bed.

“Get up, we’re going to service this morning. Joseph wants you there.” He walked to his closet and pulled out some clothes.

“Can I refuse?” 

John shot you a look without saying a word, meaning you needed to do as you’re told and not cause any issues. You climbed out of the bed and headed towards the door.

“This will not happen again.” He said as he buttoned his shirt.

“I know.” You said before leaving, rolling your eyes, both of you knew damn well it would.

You weren’t sure what it was that made you throw out all of your preconceived notions about him, all of the bad things he’d done no longer scared or worried you, you felt calm with him now, happy even, happier than you’d been in a long time. You went to your room and pulled out a nice sundress, figuring it would be better than pants and a t-shirt. You weren’t sure where the clothes came from, or whose they were, but John said they were for you, giving no more information. You finished dressing and made your way downstairs, John was waiting for you at the bottom. He watched you carefully as you descended the stairs, he liked how the dress hugged your curves, and how you bounced slightly with each step down.

“Do you like it?” You asked when you finally reached the bottom, standing in front of him as he stared at you.

“Y-Yeah, you… You look…” For a man full of words he suddenly had none.

You felt a blush creep over your cheeks as he continued eyeing you up and down, you suddenly felt shy under his gaze.

“We better get going, we don’t want to be late.” John motioned for you to follow.

You arrived at the church, there were Peggies everywhere, filing in, staring at you by John’s side. He kept his arm on your middle back, as if he was protecting you, showing others that you were his. John guided you to a pew in the back sitting beside you. Your heart raced as you thought about where you were, in the center of enemy territory. If only the other liberators could see you now, all cozied up with John the Baptist, awaiting a sermon by The Father.

“Where are her restraints?” Jacob stopped and looked down at you.

“She’s not going to try anything. She’s a sinner, not stupid.” John said glancing at you.

Jacob scoffed and walked up to the front of the church, once everyone was settled Joseph entered, being as charismatic as ever, welcoming everyone and thanking them for joining him this morning. At first his sermon was a bit culty with a hint of apocalyptic undertone, talking about how the world will end soon and that God is not pleased with mankind, but then he zeroed in on sins.

“We all sin, my children, every one of us. This world is filled with vices meant to break us, to bend us into selfish, mindless men, who corrupt and poison this Earth.” He paced around the front of the church.

His gaze settled on you and John in the back, “These vices can be disguised as possessions, power, even people. We must protect ourselves, our beliefs, from falling prey to them. These vices lead us to sin, they feed on our souls, destroying them. Lust… my children, can sneak up on you. It can cloud your minds, taint your souls, and lead you into further temptations. Be careful in the pleasures of the flesh, for they will be your undoing.” 

You shifted in your seat, glancing up at John who kept his gaze forward. You looked down at your hand beside him, noticing that he had been touching your fingers lightly the entire time. You turned your attention back to Joseph, watching him speak passionately about his beliefs, his convictions, he really was a great public speaker, able to rally the masses. His main goal seemed to be saving people, offering them salvation to bring them to Eden’s Gate after the end of the world, his methods were flawed, but his intentions were honest. 

You wondered if John believed the same, if he was as committed as you had previously thought. Here he was during his brother’s sermon playing with your fingers, touching you. He said nothing more would happen, but his actions say differently. You looked over at Jacob, who’s eyes were glued to you, watching your every move, you knew he couldn’t see your hands, but you moved them into your lap anyways, he scared you, much more so than John did now. He was closed off, his eyes were dark, unyielding, never letting on anything other than anger and aggression. At the sudden absence of your hand John looked over at you questioningly, he saw your eyes were fixed on Jacob and his on you as well. Your body was tense as you sat there, Jacob looked as though he was ready to murder you right there. 

“Do you want to leave?” John leaned over whispering into your ear.

You looked into his eyes and nodded your head, he could see your unease. He stood up and grabbed your arm, guiding you out of the pew and through the door. His brothers noticing your actions but saying nothing. Once you were outside you felt like you could breath normally again, you don’t know why Jacob makes you fearful, the way he looks at you and talks about you. John said nothing until you arrived back at his ranch.

“Are you alright?” He said as you entered the house.

“Yes, it’s just… Jacob. I get an uneasy feeling about him, I don’t know what it is about him.” You paced around the living room.

“He can be a bit… intense. But he won’t harm you, not as long as Joseph commands him not to.” 

“And what happens if Joseph commands him to?” You stopped pacing, staring up at him.

“He wouldn’t. Not without cause.” 

Joseph was angry John had taken you from the church, but John defended you saying it was a little overwhelming for you to be there so soon after you had been captured, that you needed more time to adjust and confess. Your time with John had turned more domestic than torturer and victim. You had a routine that you had fallen into, you would spend most days together, John asking you to say ‘Yes’ and you refusing. You sat at the counter, eating breakfast one morning, John sitting across from you.

“Say ‘Yes’.” John said between mouthfuls. 

“No.” You responded, continuing to eat.

John was trying to give you time, instead of torturing you into submission, they wanted you to join of your own volition. You began to enjoy certain moments with him, you didn’t feel like you needed to fill the silence with idle chit chat, you felt calm and at home with him, you couldn’t explain it, he was supposed to be the enemy. One day John sat on the couch reading, you at the other end flipping through a book.

“Say ‘Yes’.” He said, mindlessly, going through the motions.

Instead of your usual answer you decided to change things, “Why?”

“Because.” He responded, as if he knew you didn’t care how he responded.

“That’s not a real answer. I really want to know why, why did you say ‘Yes’?” You put your book down, looking at him.

He immediately closed his book and placed it on the table next to him, his gaze turning to you as you waited for him to speak.

“Joseph saved me, he pulled me from the depths of my own corruption. I used drugs and sex to fill holes in my life, I lied and cheated to get to the top. Not only that but I was never truly myself, I wasn’t John Seed, I was an imposter, a fraud, John Duncan. I was a lawyer, a damn good one.”

“That explains why you’re so good at persuading and getting information out of people.”

“I exploited people to get the things I wanted with no regard for anyone but myself. When Joseph found me, I was close to drowning in my own power and greed. I fear my soul would have been lost had he not found me when he did.” 

You sat on the couch a few feet from John, hanging on his every word as if they were the last you’d ever hear him speak. His pain, his past, you didn’t know any of this, he had suffered and struggled through life, Joseph brought him from the brink, that’s why he has absolute loyalty to him. You moved down the couch towards him, taking his hand in yours and holding it softly. You wanted to comfort him but weren’t sure how or if he’d even let you. John looked at you for a moment, glancing down at your hand wrapped around his, before pulling away from you.

“That’s why I said ‘Yes’.” Suddenly he stood and left the room without another word, leaving you there. 

You didn’t see him for the rest of the night, he went down to the cellar and never returned. It was late, you waited as long as you could before sleep got the best of you. You went up to your room, planning on sleeping for only a little while, but you fell into a deep sleep almost immediately. 

“Wake up.” You heard John’s voice from above you.

You yawned and opened your eyes groggily, he looked awful, covered in sweat, eyes dark.

“What’s going on?” You sat up in the bed.

“Come with me. Now.” He demanded.

You were hesitant to go with him, he didn’t want to wait any longer, he grabbed your arm and pulled you from the bed. You stumbled behind him as he pulled you with him, down the stairs, through the living room, finally stopping at the metal door you knew too well. You pulled back from him.

“John?” You searched his eyes for answers, but he gave none.

He grabbed your arm again and opened the door, pulling you in with him. He dragged you down the steps, you would have fallen had he not had a firm grip on you. He pushed you into that room, that room where you first met the Seed brothers, where John cut and tortured you. You were panicking at this point, he must have grown tired of you, annoyed you hadn’t joined them yet, he was surely bringing you here to continue his torture. John closed the door behind him and began removing his belt hurriedly. 

“Hands.” He commanded, you held your hands out to him, shaking, waiting for him to bind them again.

Instead he placed the belt in one hand and the knife he used to slice your skin with in the other. He moved past you and sat in the chair you’d suffered in only days before.

“Tie my hands.” He held his hands behind him.

You were hesitant, “What?” You looked at him confused.

“Tie my hands. Now.”

You obliged and moved behind him, securing his hands with the belt, making sure it was tight enough to keep him from moving. You stepped back in front of him, awaiting further instructions. You stared at him, he looked broken, torn inside, struggling. 

“I need to confess my sins. You’re the only one around.” 

“But- but I can’t… I don’t even know what that means.” You shook your head in disbelief.

“I am going to confess my sins to you, and you’re going to carve them into my body, one by one, over the ones that are already there. Unbutton my shirt.”

You stood silent, trembling, trying to wrap your head around his request. You couldn’t really do it, could you? This was an opportunity though, the first step to ending all of this insanity, if you killed John here and now you would surely cause some problems for Joseph. You held the knife in your hand for a moment, finally making a decision. You approached John and began unbuttoning his shirt, opening it to expose his many scars and tattoos that covered his toned chest. Your hands shook as you continued until you were finished.

“C-Confess your sins.” You stumbled over the words, feeling a pain building in your chest.

“I am guilty of several sins. I-I have experienced lust, for you, for your touch, to hear you moan my name in ecstasy. I have envied any man who came before me and has lain his hands upon your soft skin. I have pride in the fact that you are with me, having you in my home. I have felt wrath against those who wish to harm you, filled with anger at the thought. I have indulged in sloth, not doing my job as I am told, I have been lazy in bringing you to Eden’s Gate. You… You are my sin.” He hung his head low, closing his eyes as he finished his confession.

His confession left you speechless, you held the knife in your hand, so ready to slit his throat before, but now… now you didn’t know what to do. His eyes filled with guilt, with pain, he was truly suffering because of you… because of his feelings for you. You moved towards him slowly, bringing the knife up to the scar on his chest that read ‘sloth’, you pressed the knife against it, John closed his eyes waiting for you to reopen his mark. You knew you were going against everything you thought, everything you had been taught about John, but you couldn’t help it, you dropped the knife to the floor. You moved to straddle John’s lap, running your hands through his hair. His eyes snapped open, his perfect blue eyes staring up at you, vulnerable and open. 

“We can’t.” He whispered.

“I’m a sinner, John, I need to show you my sins.” You nuzzled your face against his neck, eliciting a low groan from him, oh how he loved hearing you say his name, he was still restrained so it wasn’t like he could stop you even if he wanted to.

You leaned back in his lap, running your hands up his chest, running your fingers over his tattoos, wanting to ask him about each one, but waiting until another time. You pressed your lips to his, he was hesitant to kiss you back, but couldn’t resist you. He pulled on his restraints, leaning into your kiss. Your hands roamed over his body, finally getting to touch him wherever you please, John Seed was at your disposal completely. You moved one of your hands down his body, between the two of you, finally stopping at the growing bulge in his pants, running your hand over it as it hardened beneath your touch. John moved his hips up to greet your hand, he pulled his restraints again, wanting… needing to touch you. 

“Let me touch you.” It wasn’t a command, he was asking you.

You leaned forward, pressing your breasts up to his face as you reached behind him, his beard rubbing roughly against your chest, finally you undid the belt from around his wrists, freeing him. He immediately wrapped his arms around your body, pulling you against him as his lips found yours once more. His kiss was needy, as if he would die without the breath from your lungs. His hands touched and kneaded your body, squeezing at your hips. He pulled back from the kiss, his eyes no longer filled with guilt but with need for you. He began to trail kisses from your jaw, down your neck, to the top of your breasts, you leaned your head back, reveling in his gentle treatment of your body, loving the way his lips and beard felt against your skin.

“John… Please touch me.” You moaned, needing him more than you thought possible.

He wasted no time, his hand moving from your hip down to your thighs. He pushed the large shirt you were wearing up, exposing your panties to him. A wicked grin spread across his face, he leaned down and grabbed the knife from the floor, using it to cut your panties from you, leaving you open for him. He dropped the knife and your torn underwear to the floor. His hands skimmed over your thighs, teasing you, avoiding touching you where you wanted it most. You squirmed against him, trying to coax him into touching you. Finally, his hand trailed up between your legs, sliding against your slickness that had already built up. You moaned at his touch, his fingers soft and rough at the same time as they rubbed against you. He teased you a few more times before easing two fingers into your center, a low groan vibrated from his throat at the feeling of your tightness around his fingers. His other had moved up your body, roughly grabbing a handful of your hair and pulling it.

“Confess to me, little sinner.” He growled against your neck, fingers moving in and out of you, his thumb tapping on that little bundle of nerves making you buck your hips against his hand.

You were close, you could feel it, you clenched around John’s fingers, writhing in his lap as your nails dug into his shoulders. He picked up the pace with his fingers, adding another one, he wanted to feel you come, he wanted to hear you screaming his name. 

“John…Please…” You whined, begging for him, you needed more.

John pulled your face down to his, pressing his forehead to yours, staring deeply into your lust filled eyes, he was rock hard knowing you wanted him as much as he wanted you. 

“Mm, little sinner… come for me.” He whispered against your lips.

His words were your undoing, you came hard and loud, screaming his name, your body shaking as your release pulsated through your body, wave after wave, built up for so long. Your breathing began to normalize as you still held your head pressed to his, shifting as he removed his fingers from you. You moved back looking into his eyes, he seemed so relaxed, holding you in his lap. 

“Does that count as a confession?” You smiled at him.

“Not quite. I think we have more work to do, but let’s finish it upstairs.” A grin spreading across his face. 

You climbed off his lap as he stood up. You could see the outline in his pants of the effect you had on him, he’d definitely have to go slow if he was going to try and fit all the way in. You headed out the door and up the stairs, John following behind you, getting a peak under your shirt as you stepped up. Once you reached the top and stepped out of the door you waited for John. You watched him ascending the stairs, admiring just how handsome he was, how happy you were in this moment. He reached the top step and closed the door behind him, his hand grazing over your lower back as he guided you towards the bedroom. Before you could take 2 steps the front door burst open. You looked back at John, panicked, worried it was the Resistance. Before you saw anyone, you knew immediately, you could feel it, it wasn’t the Resistance, it was Jacob. 

“What’s the meaning of this?” John stepped in front of you. 

“Has she confessed her sins to you, little brother?” Jacob looked right at you as you tried to hide behind John.

“She… No, not yet, but she’s close.”

“Times up then.” Jacob stormed past John, grabbing your arm.

You pulled, struggled, trying to get out of his grasp. John watched as he dragged you across the floor, kicking.

“John! John!” You screamed, begging for him to save you, but he could do nothing but watch as you cried out for him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Jacob takes you back to his compound, he locks you in a cage. He begins to interrogate you and bring your past back up to haunt you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There are mentions of rape/sex slavery in this chapter, but nothing explicitly described. There is smut in this chapter as well.

You slowly came back into consciousness, your head pounding, momentarily forgetting what had happened, you reached out for something but found only bars. You tried to stand but couldn’t, you felt around and realized you were in a cage, your eyes finally adjusted to the darkness, the memories of the night before coming back to you.

Jacob had taken you from John, when you wouldn’t stop screaming, he hit you with the butt of his gun, that was all you could remember, everything else was fuzzy. You shifted in the cage, still wearing your large t-shirt, remembering John had ripped your panties from you and wishing you had been given a chance to change before so rudely being kidnapped from your initial kidnapper, you realized how complicated things had gotten an decided it was best not to think about it right now.

“Hello? Is anyone there?” You shouted out hoping someone would hear you, someone did, a figure from the dark began moving towards you.

“Hey, please can you help me?” You moved closer trying to see their face but the darkness kept them shrouded.

“No one is coming to help you, not the Resistance, not little Johnny.” The figure moved closer, kneeling in front of the cage, it was Jacob. 

“Where’s John?” You trembled under his intense gaze.

“John, John, John… He’s been your only concern since you were captured. Contrary to your belief, you were not brought here to play house with him.”

“Please enlighten me then, why was I brought here?” You were getting annoyed with their vague references as to why they captured you.

“Out of all of the liberators at that outpost, did you ever stop to think about why we only took you? Why there were no others brought here? Did you ever look past your own desires, your sins, to think about the big picture?”

You were still unsure what he was talking about, you really didn’t think about anyone else since you’d been captured, he was right, it was pretty self-centered of you.

“We came for you, you specifically. We waited until you attacked, until the Resistance brought you right to our doorstep.”

“Why me? I’m nobody to you, you don’t even know who I am.” You shook your head in disbelief.

“You really think we don’t know who you are? Joseph found out you had returned to Hope County and made it a priority that we capture you.”

“If I’m so fucking important then why do you keep playing cat and mouse with me between the three of you?”

“The Father wants you to confess to your sins, to secure your place at Eden’s Gate. You have stubbornly refused John’s attempts, it’s time for another method.”

“And that method is to keep me in a dog cage until I pour my heart out to you?”

“Sarcasm, cute. I’ll just leave you here to think about things for a bit, pup.” He stood up and left the room without another word.

Once again you pissed off your captor and were going to be left alone until you begged for some kind of human interaction, willing to do whatever to get it. You slumped back against the wall of the cage, thinking about everything Jacob had said. They keep telling you that you’re important, special, but no one will tell you anymore than that. If they had any idea of your history, of the things you’d done, you wouldn’t be so valued. You couldn’t be sure how long you sat there, you had shifted between rage and anxiety, angry that they kept doing this to you, anxious about what Jacob’s methods would be. You resorted to screaming, hoping maybe someone would hear and help you. You finally grew tired, your voice hoarse, nothing left to yell out.

“Are you ready to talk or are you going to continue screaming?” He stood over the cage.

“What do you want from me?” You lazily looked up at him.

“The Father says you are important to our mission, to us. You need to confess your sins so you can join us at Eden’s Gate.”

“I don’t have any sins to confess, so unless you know something I don’t then let me go.”

“Coming from the family you come from, I highly doubt you don’t have any sins.” 

“You don’t fucking know anything about me or my family.” You snapped back at him.

“Your father… the devout Christian… Preacher… among other things. Tell me, how old was your sister when she hung herself? 17? 18? Your family said it was because she had gotten involved in drugs, but you knew… you knew the truth…”

“You’re wrong, it was drugs. She got mixed up with the wrong people.” You did your best to conceal the truth.

“Why do you continue to lie? You and I both know it was because of your parents, what were they doing in the basement at night, with your sister?”

You remained silent, staring up at him, there was no way he could know about that. Your family paid people off to keep the scandal hidden, and when rumors started up your family left.

“Shy all of a sudden? How many were there? How many men did your parents whore your sister out to? At what age did they pull you in?”

You felt your anger surging through you, you had been trying to forget all of this, everything you went through. You couldn’t hold the tears back any longer, they streamed down your cheeks.

“She killed herself so she wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore and left you to pick up where she left off. She was selfish, she didn’t care about what they’d put you through after she was gone.”

“No! It wasn’t fucking like that! She protected me, she kept me from being pulled into it too. She sacrificed herself for me night after night.”  
You lunged forward in the cage, trying to attack him, but he was much quicker and moved out of the way. 

Jacob stood, stretching his legs, “We’ll get you to confess soon enough.” 

“H-How? How do you know who I am? None of you were even here when my family left.” You wiped your tear stained cheeks, looking up at him.

“Your precious John helped us dig up information about the county’s past when we first looked into moving here, about it’s current and past citizens. Your family made quite the mark, after you left information was revealed about everything. I’m actually quite impressed at how well you hid from your past, no one had any idea where to find you.” 

You could say nothing, you stared up at him, wanting to disbelieve everything he was saying, but you knew he was right. Your father made sure to pay off anyone and everyone to make certain your family was able to disappear without a trace.

“People who have been traumatized, wronged, like you, are usually the biggest sinners who give way to their vices in order to escape the pain of their past. The Father knows this and set out to find those lost souls, knowing they’d be the most vulnerable and willing to join us in order to scrub their multitude of sins from their bodies.”

You sank back down in the cage, hugging your knees to your body. You weren’t special, they saw you as weak.

“So, you came after me because I’m an easy target? That makes me feel great.” You rested your head on your knees.

“The Father says there is another reason you were needed, he didn’t say what it was, but there is more to you than you think.”

His words brought you little comfort, you still felt useless, that they picked you because they didn’t see you as that much of a threat and knew you’d be easy to control. Your thoughts shifted to John, wondering if anything he had said was true, or if he was using you, he seemed sincere in his confession to you though.

You had no way of knowing what time or day it was, Jacob brought you food and continued to question you. Eventually he brought you some sweatpants after you spent most of the time shivering in the cage. One day he brought you a bowl of something he had concocted, he called it “soup”, but soup isn’t supposed to be grey with weird chunks in it, he was obviously not the best chef. It had become his routine to sit and eat with you, questioning you all the while, you started to look forward to the company.

“Hungry, pup?” He asked as he offered you a bowl of food.

You nodded your head and took the food, “What is it with you guys and giving me pet names?”

“What do you mean?”

“John calls me ‘little sinner’, you call me ‘pup’, Joseph calls me ‘my child’, but I guess he does that to everyone. So what’s the deal with you and John?”

“I don’t know about John’s reasoning, and I don’t really want to, but you are in a dog cage and you look like a little pup.” At least he was straightforward with you.

“If Joseph told you to kill me, would you?” You spooned the food around in your bowl.

“Yes, if he told me to.” He took a bite of the “soup”.

“Without a question as to why?” You finally decided to eat, needing something on your stomach, even if it might kill you.

“Joseph doesn’t always share his reasoning behind things, I have faith in his decisions. Why have you not begged for death yet? Most do by now.” He took another bite of the food.

“I don’t know, I guess I’m not ready to die and I’d like to see how this whole apocalypse thing turns out.”

Jacob smirked at your comment, making that the first time you’ve seen him make any facial expression other than anger and brooding. 

“I can see why John likes having you around.” He scraped his bowl finishing what was left.

“I’m glad I can entertain the Seed brothers.” 

“So, has John found someone new to torture and pull a confession from?” You handed him your empty bowl, trying your best not to sound desperate or jealous.

“Surprisingly, no. He’s not been as eccentric as usual, since you were brought here, he hasn’t been making much noise from his corner of the world in Holland Valley.”

It brought you some solace knowing there was a possibility your absence had an effect on him, but still you wondered why he hadn’t come after you.

Even though you were getting along fine with Jacob, you started to get depressed, finally seeing why people often begged for death. Jacob brought you food and water, but you wouldn’t eat it. He continued to press you for a confession, but you refused. Eventually you stopped answering him altogether. 

“Come on, pup. You have to eat something.” He tried to hand you a piece of bread, but you wouldn’t take it.

You did nothing but stare at him, you were at least letting him know you were listening and could hear him but refused to speak. Your mind always went to John when you were alone, wondering if he was thinking about you, or if missed you. You were curled up in the cage when you heard voices outside the room, the door opened, and you saw Joseph enter and sat up instantly. He looked down at you, before kneeling. 

“Are you alright, my child?” 

You nodded your head, you hadn’t spoken in days and his presence wouldn’t change that.

“Jacob says you’ve stopped eating and speaking. I thought… I thought you’d confess and accept the gift God has granted you, that you’d be perfect for Eden’s Gate… but now… I fear I may have misjudged you. Jacob…” He shouted out for his brother.

“Did she confess to you?” He turned to him when he entered.

“No. Nothing.”

“We’ve tried everything, John failed me and now Jacob has failed as well. I don’t know how we can get through to you.” He was exasperated.

“She values one thing… her life.” Jacob looked down at you.

Joseph turned to him, pausing for a moment to consider his suggestion, and then nodded his head. You moved forward, trying to figure out what they were going to do. Jacob pulled a pistol from his pocket as Joseph stood, stepping back. He aimed the gun at you, turning the safety off. Jacob said he’d kill you without question if Joseph told him to.

“Yes!” You screamed as loud as you could, closing your eyes in fear, you didn’t want to die, this was the only way out.

“What was that, my child?” Joseph placed his hand over the gun forcing Jacob to lower it.

“Yes. I will confess… but only to John.” Your voice was low.

Joseph looked at Jacob for a moment before calling out for his younger brother. As soon as you saw him your heart leapt, you were happy he was there, though you knew you shouldn’t be, he was your torturer after all, but he was the only thing you had even close to a friend for the past few weeks. Of course, he was as calm and collected as normal, his expression giving nothing away, while your face had lit up instantly and you were visibly excited by his presence.

“She is ready to confess.” Joseph motioned towards you. 

Jacob bent down and unlocked the cage, he grabbed your arm and pulled you out. You were so weak, you tried to stand, but faltered. You felt John grab your hand and help you to your feet, you wobbled slightly, having been in the cage for a few days your muscles were weak. John cupped your face in his hands, checking you to make sure you were alright, the only time he showed any concern for you in front of his brothers. You could see the worry in his eyes for you, maybe he did care? Your legs gave out, John and Jacob both reached out to grab you, his brothers were just as surprised as you at Jacob’s actions. John bent down and scooped you up in his arms, obviously trying to show you were his. You wrapped your arms around his neck and rested your head against his chest.

“I will let you know once she has confessed and is ready for Atonement.” He spoke to Joseph before walking out of the room.

Once you were out of earshot of them, he spoke to you, “My little sinner, how I’ve missed you.” A smile spread across his face as you tightened your arms around him. 

He gently placed you in his truck, closing the door and walking around to the other side. You wanted to ask him about everything but thought it was best to wait until you were alone. John started the truck, you scooted across the seat to be closer to him, you really did miss him more than you thought you would. He wrapped his arm around you as your rode in silence. Once you had reached his ranch you got out of the truck, your legs still weak but you managed to stabilize yourself, with the assistance of John’s arm that is. You didn’t realize how much you would miss his house, you released all the tension in your body as you stepped over the threshold. 

You turned to him, your mind full of questions, “John, I-“ He pressed his fingers to your lips, silencing you.

“Shhh, let’s get you cleaned up first, little sinner. Then we can talk.” He helped you upstairs, walking close behind you making sure you wouldn’t fall. 

You stood in the bathroom as he started the bath, just as he had done before. He turned to you and grabbed the hem of your shirt, lifting it over your head, then pushing the waist of your pants down, letting them pool around your feet. You wrapped your arms around yourself, shivering as the cold air hit your body. He hugged you against his chest, trying to warm you up, it helped a little. You missed the way his arms felt around you, how safe you felt with him. You reached up and started unbuttoning his shirt, you were worried he’d stop you, but he didn’t, he just watched as you undressed him. You had been away from him for days and didn’t want to be separated anymore, you needed him close. You pushed the shirt off his broad shoulders to the floor and moved to undo his pants, pulling them down to the floor along with his underwear. You were caught off guard by how perfect he looked naked, despite the many, many scars, your eyes roamed over his body, taking it all in. He pulled you from your thoughts by grabbing your hand and leading you to the large tub, you stepped in and sat down, he entered in behind you. His arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you back against his chest. 

“Did you really miss me?” You asked, breaking the silence.

“More than you know.” He pressed a kiss to the side of your head as he began washing your body.

“I said ‘Yes’, now what?”

“In the morning you will confess your sins to me, then you will be offered Atonement. After that you will be welcomed to Eden’s Gate, by my side.”

You were comforted by his words, ‘by my side’, he wanted you, he cared about you, but one thought rang through your head and tears sprung to your eyes. There were rules here, a way things had to be, John was proof of that. 

“Is it going to hurt?” You asked as you fidgeted with your fingers.

John grabbed your shoulders and turned you around to face him, water splashing out of the tub as you moved.

“Yes, but it will be over before you know it and I’ll do my best to make it as least painful as possible.” He cupped your face in his hands, staring into your tear-filled eyes.

He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips, his hands holding your face still as he deepened the kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck, moving forward to straddles his lap, you felt his cock between your legs hardening against your thigh. You would worry later, tonight you finally had John Seed all to yourself, you pushed all of your concerns out of your mind for the time being. Water sloshed around in the tub as you found the perfect position against him, his hands pulling your body closer to him. You reached down between your legs and gently grabbed his cock, moving your hand up and down his length slowly.

“Mm… Fuck, little sinner.” He groaned against your lips, his hand gently wrapped around your throat as you continued your slow movements.

You continued to stroke him between your legs, loving the sounds he made as you did. Suddenly he grabbed your hand and stopped you.

“Not here.” He slid you over and stood up to get out of the bath, before he could step out you grabbed his length again, this time licking the tip of it before sliding it into your mouth.

You sat in the tub on your knees as you licked and sucked John’s cock, trying your best to fit as much as you could into your mouth. John’s hand rested on top of your head as you continued, he was getting close to his release already and had to stop you. He grabbed your hair and pulled your head back, forcing you to stop and look up at him.

“What am I going to do with you?” His thumb stroked your bottom lip.

“Take me to bed?” You stared at him innocently.

Without warning he grabbed you, lifting you out of the bath and carrying you into the bedroom, water dripping from both of your bodies as he crossed the floor. 

“John! Put me down!” You shouted as he carried you.

He reached the bed tossing you onto it before he pounced on top of you, covering your wet body with his. His hands traveled over your body, reveling in every curve. You opened your legs, hoping to coax him into fucking you already, but he didn’t take the bait. Instead he began kissing and licking over the tops of your breasts, moving his way down, you moaned loudly as he took one of your nipples between his teeth, gently pulling it. Normally John would have taken you quickly and roughly, but he wanted to take his time with you, get lost in you, because he was unsure of what the next day would bring. Your hands grabbed at the sheets beneath you as you squirmed under his actions. He moved lower, trailing tender kisses and licks as he went. He made his way down to the apex of your thighs, his face inches from where you needed his touch the most. He continued to tease you, placing kisses on both of your thighs, actively avoiding where you wanted him. 

“John… Please…” You begged as he looked up at you, with that damned grin on his face.

Finally, he pushed his tongue between your slick folds, giving a long languid lick of his tongue up from your center to your clit.

“Hmm…” He hummed against your sex as he continued licking you.

Your hands dropped down and ran through his hair, grabbing handfuls as you tried to hold onto something. You moved and squirmed beneath him, moaning his name loud enough for anyone outside to hear. How he loved hearing that sound, your moans drove him crazy. His hands held your hips, trying to keep you still. You could feel your orgasm building as he licked circles around your clit, his beard rubbing between your legs. Just as you were reaching your peak, he stopped.

Before you could say anything, he climbed back over top of you, he was tired of waiting, he needed to be inside of you. He settled between your legs, you moved your hips up as he positioned himself at your entrance. You gazed up into his eyes, he was being so soft and gentle with you, genuine and kind. This was not the John Seed you were told about. He moved forward the tip of his cock slipping inside you, he pushed a little more giving you time to adjust, your mouth hung open in a perfect ‘O’ as he slid in further, filling you completely. 

“Oh… little sinner… So perfect.” He stilled inside you.

You nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck as he slowly pulled out of you, then he slid back in, you could feel him entering you inch by delicious inch until you were completely filled again. He kept up this agonizingly slow pace, easing out of you and sliding back in, your orgasm began building again as you moved in unison with him. He increased his pace, moving faster, hitting that spot deep inside you, you were sure you wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer. As he continued thrusting into you, your nails scratched and dug into his back, it was all becoming too intense for you. John was used to feeling pain so he didn’t mind, it was definitely a stroke to his ego knowing he was able to put you into this state of ecstasy. His fingers squeezed and grabbed at your hips, sure to leave bruises. He picked up his pace again, this time moving deeper inside you, you could no longer make coherent sentences, you were reduced to small whimpers and whines as he pounded into you. You felt your orgasm slam into your body, you grabbed at John, holding onto him as you trembled beneath him, clenching around his cock restricting his movements. 

“Little sinner…” He growled against your ear as he found his own release within you. 

John eased out of you and laid beside you, both of you trying to stabilize your breathing. You never wanted this night to end, but it would, and tomorrow you would confess and have your sins carved into your body. You rested your head on John’s chest as he wrapped his arm around you and pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“Am I weak?” Your thoughts getting the best of you, you needed to know.

“Physically? Yes.” 

“That’s not what I mean. Jacob said Joseph wanted me because I was vulnerable, easy to persuade.” You sat up looking at him.

John smirked, “You have been nothing but trouble since you arrived in Hope County, if you were easy to persuade you would’ve said ‘Yes’ a long time ago. Joseph has visions, the Voice speaks to him and he saw something about you, he wouldn’t have wasted all this time if you weren’t worth it, and in my opinion, people who are weak aren’t worth it.” 

You leaned forward and kissed John, he must be right, no one would do all this if you were weak and easy. John grabbed you and pulled you on top of him, you felt him hardening again beneath you and ground your hips down against him. 

You stretched out across the bed, immediately noticing John was missing, you rolled over and looked around, but he wasn’t there. You found a shirt and some sweatpants and decided to go on a hunt for him, he couldn’t be too far. As you walked down the stairs you heard someone humming, you thought maybe it was John, but you’d never heard him hum before. You peaked around the corner at the bottom of the stairs, it most definitely was John, he was humming and cooking breakfast, he seemed so happy as he moved around the kitchen. You watched him for a minute before making your presence known. 

“Ah, good morning, hungry?” He smiled at you as he whisked a bowl of eggs.

You nodded your head and took a seat at the counter. He handed you the bowl and whisk for you to finish them while he started the toast. He placed a swift kiss on your lips before grabbing the bread. You hoped he was a better cook than Jacob. You really liked seeing him this way, carefree, but you knew it wouldn’t last. You tried to ignore the nagging thoughts, but you couldn’t.

“John, can we talk?” 

He looked up at you, knowing exactly what you wanted to talk about, “I guess you probably have a lot of questions.”

“A few.” You finished beating the eggs and pushed the bowl towards him.

“Alright, ask away.” He grabbed the bowl and poured some of the eggs into the skillet.

“Did you know who I was when we first met?”

“Yes, when you entered Hope County we identified you pretty quickly, your family was kind of famous before you left. Preacher using his daughters for prostitution, not something that can be hidden in a small town.” The toast popped up out of the toaster and he added more eggs to the skillet.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“Would it have mattered?” He added the toast and eggs to the plates and sat on in front of you.

“No, I guess not. Was Joseph really going to let Jacob kill me?” You took a bite of your toast.

“I’m not sure what he would have done. He has his own motives he does not always share with us, we just have to place faith in him.” John put his plate next to you and took a seat.

“Why didn’t you come for me?” 

He stopped eating and turned to look at you, “Believe me when I say this, I wanted to, I truly did, but Joseph came to me after you were taken and asked me to stay here and be patient.” 

“I understand... I mean, I don’t, but I do. Joseph saved you and you follow him loyally. So, when do we get this confession/torture thing out of the way?” You exhaled a breath you didn’t realize you were holding in.

“Whenever you’re ready.”

“I’d like to get it over with as soon as possible.”

“Well, let’s go then.” He stood offering you his hand.

He led you to the steal door and downstairs, back to that all too familiar room. You stood for a moment while he prepared everything, getting that same knife out, the ropes. Your heart pounded as you watched him. You sat down and put your hands behind you, waiting for John. He held the rope but decided against it, instead he removed his belt and used it to bind your wrists, hoping having something familiar would help.  
You were trying to calm your nerves, breathing in deeply and exhaling, it wasn’t helping. John noticed your anxiety, hoping to help quell some of it he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours, kissing you deeply before stepping back.

“Are you ready to confess your sins?”

“Yes.” You felt a knot forming in your stomach, but you might as well get it over with.

“I have sinned several times in my life, but my greatest sins are wrath and lust.” You stared up at John as he leaned against the wall in front of you.

“Tell me about wrath.”

“I let my anger build up throughout the years, about what my parents did to my sister and myself. I-I tried to kill my father.” You looked down at the floor, ashamed of what you’d done.

John looked at you with confusion, this wasn’t something he knew about, after your family disappeared there were no traces of you until you returned to Hope County. 

“I drugged him and attacked him… and beat him within an inch of his life. When the police arrived, my mother told them he took his sleeping medicine and was attacked outside of our home by someone. I let my anger and rage consume me, that’s why I came back, I wanted to destroy the place where everything happened to me, the place that broke me.” 

John stared at you, surprised by your confession, you were more alike than he knew.

“Tell me about lust.”

You inhaled deeply, looking up at him, “After I tell you this, I need you to promise you won’t judge me?” 

“It is not my place to judge, only to unburden.”

“Alright… I-I used men… and women. I ruined marriages, I had no regard for anyone else’s wants but my own. I saw someone I wanted, and I went after them, no matter what. I have caused divorces and families to split up.” You couldn’t look at him as you confessed, you looked down to the floor.

John towered over you as you slumped in the chair, unable to look up at him. He knelt in front of you, lifting your chin to meet his gaze. He knew your sins all too well, your path almost identical to his own.

“You have confessed and unburdened your soul. You know what comes next, right?” 

You nodded your head and sat up straight, waiting. John bent down on his knees and brought the knife up to your stomach, lifting your shirt up, his hand shook, for the first time he didn’t want to carve someone’s sins in them, he didn’t want to harm you.

“Do it, John. Please? I understand now, I need to own my sins instead of the other way around.” You encouraged him, you needed to be free from these sins, from your overwhelming guilt, but his hand held still, unable to move.

“Continue, John.” You looked up to see Joseph standing in the doorway, neither of you had noticed him before, you wondered how much he had heard.

He placed the knife against your skin, slowly making the cuts into your skin, tears started to stream from your eyes as you cried out. You jerked in your seat, straining against the belt that bound your hands. John stopped, he couldn’t stand making you hurt like this. Joseph stepped forward and placed his hand on John’s shoulder, encouraging him. He lifted the knife back up and continued his work until the word ‘wrath’ was finished. Your body trembled in pain, your face red as tears continued to flow. John looked up at you, his heart aching for causing you so much pain. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the wound he had just made, hoping to help ease some of your pain. Joseph watched his act of compassion towards you. 

“One more, then we’ll be done.” He placed a hand on your knee before bringing the knife up to the other side of your stomach.

You closed your eyes this time, you couldn’t watch it again, you felt the first cut of the knife and jerked, John tightened his grip on your leg to help sooth you. He continued making the cuts, you cried, screaming out, he finished the word shortly after. When he was done, he mimicked his actions as before, placing a soft kiss to the newly made wound as it bled. John cupped your face with his hands, wiping away your tears with his thumbs. He stood and undid the belt from around your wrists and helped you stand.

“My child, you are ready for Atonement.” Joseph approached you and placed his hand on your shoulder.

“John, may we speak?” He turned to John, signaling for you to leave. 

You pulled your shirt down over the fresh wounds and walked up the stairs, leaving them. 

“She did well, as did you.”

“She took it better than most, and I was only helping her reach Atonement.” John put his tools away, turning to Joseph.

“No, John, you showed her compassion, you weren’t being wrathful or vengeful. By obtaining her confession you have finally unburdened your own sins. You opened your heart to her and are no longer being consumed by your sins, you shall be welcomed at Eden’s Gate.” 

You slowly made your way up to the stairs, trying to move easily so you didn’t touch your wounds too much. You finally made it to the bathroom and lifted your shirt to see the words cut into your skin. Your fingers lightly traced around them, they were still bleeding and turning a light red, you hoped they’d heal quickly. You looked at yourself in the mirror, ironically, you felt lighter, like you weren’t being suffocated by rage anymore, you could breath. Maybe there was something to this confession thing.

You laid in the bed, sleeping on your side when you felt John move closer to you, his hand moving around to your throat as he pressed himself against your ass.

“Mm no, John.” You murmured sleepily, trying to push him away.

“Please?” He slid closer, you could feel his hardness growing.

“John… I don’t feel well.” 

John moved to kiss your neck but stopped the second he felt the warmth of your skin. He sat up and turned the lamp on, looking over at you. You were drenched in sweat, he pressed his hand to your forehead, you were burning up and all the color from your face had been drained.

“Shit, are you ok?” 

“I’m f-freezing and my stomach is on fire.”

He knew exactly what was wrong, “Stay here, I’m going to get help.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You had confessed your sins to John and earned yourself 2 painful souvenirs which will end up causing you more physical pain and anguish than the sins did in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut ahead! Towards the end, but still thought I should warn you.

You pulled the covers over yourself, shivering, you vaguely remembered John saying something but fell asleep soon after. You were woken up by John pulling the blanket off you and rolling you over on your back. You tried to grab the covers back, but couldn’t get them, you were so cold.

“See?” John spoke, you opened your eyes to see who he was talking to, at the end of the bed you saw Joseph and Jacob staring at you.

“J-John, what the f-ffuck? I’m not dressed.” You stuttered as you shook, trying to curl into a ball, your fever making you wane in and out of consciousness.

“She’s not doing well, looks like she’s in shock from the wounds.” Jacob said as he stared at your trembling form.

Joseph sat on the bed next to you, “Let me see, my child.” You drifted awake, looking around you again, wondering when Joseph and Jacob had gotten there.

You rolled over onto your back and lifted your shirt slowly, the fabric was stuck to your skin, you winced in pain as you pried it apart. You could tell by the look on their faces that it was bad, really bad. The wounds were red, swollen, and oozing yellow. Joseph moved closer, his hand touching your forehead feeling the heat coming from your body.

“We have to lower her body temperature, remove her clothes.” Joseph moved his hand to test your temperature on your cheeks as well.

“W-What? N-nno the f-ffuck you will n-nnot.” You pulled your shirt back down, your head was swimming, you felt so disoriented.

“John, if we don’t lower her body temperature her brain will seize and she could die. There are no hospitals around here to get her to fast enough.” Joseph looked up at him, waiting for him to decide.

John sat on the bed above you, he grabbed the hem of your shirt and pulled it off of you, you tried to resist but you didn’t have the strength to fight. Jacob stood at your feet and reached up to pull your sweatpants off of you, tossing them into the floor. You were left bare and exposed to the Seed brothers, wearing only panties. You shivered as the cold air hit your body, but you continued to sweat, your body heat radiating off of you.

“Who knew the S-ssseed brothers were so kinky…” You laughed as you looked around at each of them, your vision blurring, but you could still see Jacob rolling his eyes at you.

“We need to clean her wounds. Jacob, get some rags and a bowl of cold water. John you’re going to have to hold her down, this isn’t going to be easy.” You heard Joseph speak, his voice sounded so far away.

“She can’t die, you have to save her.” You heard John’s voice tremble, you wanted to comfort him, you weakly lifted your hand to touch his face, but you drifted back into darkness.

You opened your eyes the moment you felt John lift you and sit down beneath you, resting your head in his lap. You looked up at him, wondering what he was so worried about, then you remembered, your wounds were infected. Jacob sat at the end of the bed and held your legs down. You started to panic, as they held you down, you looked over at Joseph who was muttering a prayer.

“God, if it is your Will, please heal this girl and let her sins be forgiven.”

“S-ssins? This isn’t about my ssins. I have an infection f-ffrom the dirty knife J-jjohn used.” You had a moment of clarity to argue.

“You didn’t clean the knife?” Jacob stared at John.

“I didn’t think about it, if people react like this to the confession we usually-”

“W-what? Usually what?” You looked up at him confused, anxiety pooling in your stomach.

John hesitated to answer, he didn’t want to make matters worse by upsetting you.

“Stop. This is a reaction to the confession; your body is trying to purge the sins.” Joseph ended the argument.

John ran his hand through your hair, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen.” He leaned down and placed a kiss on your forehead.

“It’s alright… I-I know… deeply of sin…” You laughed and circled your hand over your chest, delirium from the fever had set in.

“Are you- Is she mocking me?” He watched you mimic his actions from the ‘Yes’ propaganda video.

“Even in a fevered state she does a pretty good imitation.” You heard Jacob laugh.

 “F-Fuck! You! Joseph!” You screamed and struggled to sit up when you felt the cold rag rub across one of your wounds, John and Jacob tightened their grip on you, holding you down.

“I-I’m sorry…” You closed your eyes, unconsciousness finding you once more.

_You slowly opened your eyes, you felt John’s hands kneading your breasts, you looked down to see Joseph kissing and licking small places on your stomach and Jacob kissing his way up your legs. You moaned slightly at their actions, arching your back._

“Mm… sinful Seed brothers…” Your surroundings were hazy as your head swam with confusion, your eyes closed again.

 John furrowed his brow looking at his brothers as he held your arms down, Joseph lightly cleaning the wounds on your stomach and Jacob still holding your legs. He made a point to ask you about that later, when your brain wasn’t on fire.

“F-ffuckers!” You shouted as you felt the cold rag scrub over the other wound, struggling under their grasp.

As Joseph continued to clean your wounds you used every curse word you knew, stringing some together that made no sense. Some of the things you said made even Jacob blush from embarrassment. If you had been coherent you definitely would have been ashamed of yourself.

“I’ve cleaned them the best I can, but she’s still on fire. We need to get her into a cold shower.” Joseph placed the rag down on the table next to the bed.

John slid out from under you, he went to the bathroom to start the shower and remove his shirt and sweatpants. Jacob moved to the side of the bed and picked you up, he could feel your body shivering and how high your temperature had gotten. You wrapped your arms around his neck and nuzzled into him, like you had done to John several times before. He stared down at you, looking so fragile and soft.

“You’re going to be alright, pup.” He spoke into your ear, you barely registered his words.

Jacob carried you into the bathroom, John stared as he held your feeble form in his arms. He wanted to protest to him holding you so intimately, but he knew it wasn’t the time to say anything. Jacob walked to the shower and placed your feet on the floor, handing you over to John. He held you upright and pulled you under the lukewarm water with him, your eyes immediately opened, you looked around confused for a moment before resting your head against John’s chest exhausted.

“Fffuck…” You shivered under the water.

“Shhh… It’s alright.” John held you, patting your hair softly.

After a few minutes in the shower your body temperature finally began to lower. John helped you out of the shower where Joseph waited with a towel, wrapping you in it as you shivered. Joseph helped walk you back into the bedroom as John dried himself off. If you would have had any strength in your body you would have protested to Joseph and Jacob helping you so much, but you couldn’t. Joseph held you up while Jacob dressed you. They guided you to the bed and helped you in, covering you with a light blanket, to keep your body temperature from rising again.

“Is she going to be ok?” John asked as he stepped out of the bathroom.

“Her wounds are clean, and her fever has broken. She’s in God’s hands now.” Joseph watched as John stood next to your sleeping form, full of worry. He couldn’t help but notice Jacob’s concern for you as well.

“We will have to sit with her, make sure the fever doesn’t return. John, I need you to inform everyone the Atonement has been cancelled today. Jacob, I need you to gather more supplies, we’ll need bandages for the wounds and any medicine you can find. I will stay here.”

Jacob took his instructions and left, John lingered for a moment, hesitant to leave in case something happened, but Joseph assured him you’d be fine. Joseph sat next to you on the bed as you continued to shiver, you wanted more blankets but were refused each time you asked.

“F-ffather, am I going tto d-ddie?” You stuttered as your body continued to tremble.

“No, my child. You will live, I have seen it.” He caressed your cheek, it reminded you of how John would calm you.

You moved closer to him, trying to steal some of his warmth, you laid your head in his lap as he stroked your hair gently. You wanted to ask him more but were too tired.

John and Jacob returned, John didn’t want to leave your side again. Joseph decided it was best if he and Jacob stayed there to help keep an eye on you. You continued to drift in and out of sleep, not really aware of who was with you at any given moment. No matter who it was, you’d always find a way to move closer to them, you liked knowing someone was there. At first, Joseph tried to keep his distance, but you were persistent, eventually he gave up.

“Don’t let me die, Father.” You mumbled in your sleep.

“You’re going to be fine.”

“I can’t die, I love him.” You murmured, barely a whisper.

John stared at you in disbelief as you slept in his lap, you must have thought you were still laying on Joseph. He looked up to see Joseph standing in the doorway, just as surprised by your dazed confession as John was. He didn’t want to press the issue, seeing as you were in and out of consciousness, he decided he’d ask you about it when you were back to normal.

Over the next few days you slowly started to regain your strength but were still too weak to get up. The Seed brothers continued to take turns taking care of you.

“You have to eat something, pup. You haven’t eaten in days.” Jacob pressed the spoon back up to your lips.

“No, I want to sleep. Leave me alone.” You ducked your head under the covers refusing to eat.

Jacob huffed in exasperation and left the room, taking the food with him.

“Cute nickname you have for her.” John commented as he stepped out into the hallway.

“Better than calling her- what was it? Oh yeah ‘little sinner’. Which I can only guess where that came from.” He continued walking past him down to the kitchen.

John entered the room by your side, he didn’t know how you could love him, or why. His insecurity was getting the best of him, he worried about your closeness with his brother. He sat on the bed next to you, sitting up against the headboard he closed his eyes for a moment.

“Joohhnny?” You spoke softly against his ear, he stirred but didn’t wake up.

You nuzzled your face against his neck, placing light kisses on his skin, leading up to his ear. You got frustrated that he still wasn’t waking up, you took his earlobe between your teeth and gently bit down, finally eliciting a low groan from him.

“Stop. You’re far to weak to do anything, you need your rest.”

“But Joohhnny…” You pouted when he turned to look at you.

“No, lay down and go to sleep.”

“You’re no fun. Maybe I’ll just ask one of the other Seed brothers to-“ You paused immediately, you knew you crossed a line and were chastising yourself already for it.

“What was that?” His eyes bore into you.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t-“

John grabbed the back of your head and pulled you down onto the bed, his lip crushing yours the second your head hit the pillow, his body covering yours. He was no longer being sweet and gentle with you, his kiss was forceful and dominating. He bit down on your lip, not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough to remind you he could still cause you pain.

“John!” Joseph spoke, interrupting him.

He released you and sat back up on the bed, “She-“ He tried to explain, but Joseph interjected.

“She is sick, can you not quell your desires long enough for her to get better?”

You slid down under the covers, trying your absolute best to look innocent in all of this, you felt kind of bad for getting him in trouble. Joseph turned and left the room without another word.

“Enjoy it now, because you’re going to pay for that later.” He grinned as he looked down at you.

You were getting your strength back each day, you were glad they had been there to take care of you. Joseph and Jacob were a big help, but you wanted things to go back to normal, well as normal as they could be. You woke up starving, you looked around, but no one was in the room with you. You shakily stood up and made your way out of the bedroom, you used the wall to help stabilize yourself as you took one step at a time downstairs. You glanced around the kitchen but still didn’t see anyone, so you made your way over to the refrigerator.

“What are you doing out of bed?” John asked as he, Jacob, and Joseph quickly made their way to your side.

“I got hungry, and even though there are 3 men who are supposed to be watching me, I couldn’t find anyone to help.” They all stared at you, surprised by your open criticism of them.

“Go back to bed, I’ll make you something.” Jacob said as he pointed up to the bedroom.

“No, um, John, could you make me something please?” You didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but you really needed something that was actual food.

“Of course, your immune system isn’t 100%, don’t want to risk it with Jacob’s cooking.” A wide smile spread across his face.

“Didn’t hear her complaining before.” Jacob mumbled.

“She was basically in a coma, she would’ve eaten dirt.” John argued as he got the ingredients from the fridge to make you something to eat.

“I’ll help her back upstairs, you two stop arguing.” Joseph stepped forward, letting you hold onto him for support as you made your way back up to the bedroom.

Joseph helped you back into the bed and pulled your shirt up to check your wounds. He had seen more of you than you wanted him to in the past few days so this wasn’t exactly a problem for you. He checked your wounds carefully and placed a clean bandage over them.

“You’re healing well. You should be back to normal soon.” He pulled your shirt back down and covered you with a blanket.

“I’d like to cook dinner for you and Jacob, to thank you for your help. I know John would have panicked the entire time without you here and I probably would’ve died.”

“That would be wonderful, but only when you’re better. Get some rest, I’m sure John will be along with your food shortly.”

Joseph and Jacob stayed one more night, making sure you were going to be okay. You thanked them again for all the help and scheduled to have dinner in two days. As soon as they left John’s hands and lips were all over you.

“John… Be easy, I’m still weak.” You pleaded as he continued to attack you.

“Hmm, I don’t think so. I still owe you for that little comment you made.” He pulled you back against him, you could feel his growing erection against your hip.

“If you insist then at least let me sit down while you torture me?” You rolled your head to the side, giving him better access.

“Fine.” He grabbed your arm and pulled you over to the couch and sat down, leaving you standing in front of him.

You looked at him confused for a second, you said you needed to sit down, not him. Before you could question him he unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his pants, pulling his already hard cock free, he grabbed your waist and turned you facing away from him before sliding your sweatpants and panties down to your knees. Without warning he pulled you into his lap, filling you completely making you gasp at the sudden intrusion. You tried to push yourself off of him but he wrapped his arms around your waist holding you down.

“You like teasing me about fucking my brothers?” He said through gritted teeth, it had been days since he had been inside of you, felt your warmth, your tightness, it was almost too much for him but he was determined to make you regret your comment.

He didn’t waste any time building up to it, he immediately started thrusting up into you slowly and hard, hitting that spot that reduced you to a whimpering mess. John grabbed your hair and pulled you back against his chest.

“You want Jacob to fuck you like this? Joseph?” He growled in your ear.

“No… Onl-Only you… John.” You moaned.

“You sure about that? You were saying differently the other day.” His breath was hot against your neck.

“Y-Yes, John…”

You could feel your orgasm fast approaching as he thrust into you, no longer slow and hard,  his pace had picked up, he needed you, needed to know you were his. He sunk his teeth into the side of your neck, marking you. His hand held it’s grip on your hair, you moaned loudly, glad you were finally alone with him again, finally in his arms once more. You clenched around him without warning your orgasm hit you, you tried to steady yourself by holding onto his knees, but it was pointless, your body shook and trembled on top of him as he continued pounding into you. He wanted to keep going but he couldn’t, not with the way you felt around him, he soon found his release inside you, holding you down against him.

“Fuck… I love you.” He said breathlessly.

You paused immediately, you didn’t know he loved you, honestly you didn’t even know if he was capable. You knew you had loved him for some time now, but were hesitant to say it, not wanting to scare him off.

“I love you too… Father.” A sly grin spread across your face, you knew you were poking the bear but couldn’t help it.

“Oh, you’re going to get it now.” He pushed you up off of him and stuffed himself back into his pants, not bothering to button back up.

You bent down and pulled your own pants and underwear up, a little nervous about what he had in mind for punishment. John grabbed your hand suddenly and pulled you behind him, heading to the steal door. You were a little worried maybe you had gone too far, he did have a short temper. You didn’t ask questions but followed. When you reached the room you had become well acquainted with John pointed to the chair, you sat down quickly. He pulled his belt from his belt loops, instinctively you put your hands behind your back, he walked around you and fastened the belt around your wrists, this time he didn’t bind them to the chair. He roughly grabbed the waist band of your pants and panties and yanked them down, pulling them over your feet and leaving you exposed to him. He knelt down in the floor between your legs, grabbing your knees and forcing your legs open wider.

“For your punishment you’re going to recite each of the sins… in Latin. If you can say them all without stopping, I’ll let you come.”

“But- I don’t know Latin.” You furrowed your brow at him, he couldn’t really expect you to know Latin, could he?

“Lucky for you, they’re all tattooed here on my hand, read them out loud and you can come.”

You were a little concerned, this didn’t seem like that difficult of a task. His head ducked between your legs as he started to kiss your outer lips. You looked down at his hand on your knee and read the first word.

“L-Luxuria…”

“Gu-“ You started on the second word but he suddenly pushed two fingers into you, making you throw your head back and moan.

“Start over.” He stopped all movements.

You tried to psyche yourself up, you could do this, it wasn’t that hard to do.

“Luxuria, Gula, Avar-“ His thumb pressed firmly on your clit making you buck your hips.

“Again.” He growled against you, waiting for you to start over so he could continue, you were growing frustrated.

He hooked his arms under your thighs, draping them over his shoulders, and pulled you to the edge of the seat, the hand with the words now squeezed the top of your thigh, you could still see it but knew in this position he’d have better access to torture you.

“Luxuria, Gula, Avaritia, Tristi- Fuck…“ He shoved his face between your legs, his tongue replacing his thumb on your clit, his beard rubbing against your thighs, you felt your orgasm building again.

“Huh-uh, that’s not right. Come on, little sinner.” He pulled back and stopped his movements.

You took in a deep breath, determined to do it this time, “Luxuria, Gula, Avaritia, Tristitia, Ira… Invi- Fuck… John…” His fingers curled inside you, pushing against that perfect spot as his tongue swirled around your clit.

“Oh, so close… I’m starting to think you don’t want to come.” He teased, stilling his movements.

“You’re fucking insane…” You panted as he returned to his task, his tongue circling your clit, his fingers pushing into you.

“Luxuria, Gula, Avaritia, Tristitia, Ira… Invidia, Superbia…” You moaned loudly feeling your release getting closer.

John grinned and pulled his fingers from you, he pulled you down into his lap, his cock already out and waiting for you to sink down onto. You gasped at the sudden fullness but needed it, you started to move your hips against him, needing your release. He loved how you moved, determined to take what you had earned, he wanted to play with you some more but figured he’d let you finish. He held onto you as you moved, finally finding your release you clenched around him again, waves of pleasure washing over you. John stilled inside of you, groaning as he came with you.

He reached behind you and undid the belt around your wrists, you brought your hands up and cupped his face, kissing him deeply, tasting yourself on his lips.

“Have anymore tasks for me to complete?” You pulled back from the kiss for a moment.

“Plenty more, little sinner.” He pressed his lips to yours again, pulling you closer.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once your health had gotten back to normal you invited The Father and Jacob over for dinner to thank them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut ahead! Please enjoy, but there is some heartbreak at the end, so prepare yourself.

John made sure to make up for lost time with you while you were sick, the past two days neither of you left the Ranch. You never knew John Seed could be so clingy, he was constantly on or in you, you weren’t complaining but it did make it difficult for you to regain your strength when he was taking it from you. You walked around the Ranch house, looking for John, but he was nowhere to be found, you were kind of glad, you could finally have a moment to yourself. You walked back up to the bathroom and started the shower, every time you tried to take one John would join you and you’d end up having sex and not getting clean at all. You showered quickly, knowing if John knew you were naked in the house he’d find you. Shifting through the clothes in your closet you decided you’d dress up nice, after all it isn’t every day you cook dinner for the Seed family, you settled on a pale-pink sundress.

An hour passed and you still hadn’t seen or heard from John, the peace was fine, but now you were starting to worry. There was one place you hadn’t checked yet, the basement. You approached the steel door, knowing John didn’t want you going down there alone, but you proceeded anyways. Before you could enter, John pushed the door open and stood face to face with you. You were about to tell him you’d been looking for him when you looked down at his hands, they were covered in blood, presumably someone else’s as John didn’t have a mark on him.

He noticed your wary stare, “Let me get cleaned up.” He pushed past you and headed down the hall.

It hadn’t really dawned on you that he would still be torturing others to gain their confessions. A small part of you had to know they’d continue recruiting.  You wondered if there was any way to lessen the amount of suffering that lead to a confession. John always says suffering is part of the confessions, in order to truly unburden yourself you must suffer, but maybe the suffering could take place after the confessions and not lead to them. You started getting things going for dinner, the pot roast cooked in the oven with carrots and potatoes, all you had to do now was butter the rolls and set the table. John returned from the bathroom, his gaze moving up and down your body with that look in his eyes. He watched as you gathered ingredients for dinner and began preparing them.

“Is there someone down there?” You broke his concentration.

“Yes, I am working to help them unburden and confess their sins. They’re proving to be stubborn, though not as much as you were.”

“Can I help?” You placed the rolls on the counter along with the butter and knife.

“You want to help me torture people?” His brow furrowed at your request.

“No, I want to help them confess and see the power of ‘Yes’. You’re a little… rough with your persuasion, I could be a softer, kinder presence.” You turned to the counter and started buttering the tops of the rolls.

John strode over to where you were standing, his hands sliding up, resting on your hips. He pressed himself against you.

“I’m rough? I thought I could be quite gentle.” He trailed kisses along your shoulders.

“That’s not what-“ John’s hand moved around to your front, his hand slipping down into your panties as he toyed with you.

“Maybe I’ve been too gentle with you.” He whispered against your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

“John, I’m trying to cook, can’t we do this later?”

He ignored you completely, his fingers rubbing over your clit as you stood pressed against the counter. Suddenly he removed his hand from you, you were disappointed at the absence of his touch. Without warning he lifted your dress up and tugged your panties down, leaving them around your ankles. He pushed your feet apart to make you open your legs wider.

“I’m going to show you rough.” He grabbed a handful of your hair, yanking your head back.

You heard that familiar sound of his belt being undone, and his zipper being pulled down, it didn’t take him long after that to shove his cock inside you, making you lurch forward against the counter. He released your hair and moved his hand around to grip your throat, his hand firm but not enough to completely cut off your airways. He slammed into you, thrust after thrust, fucking you against the counter.

“John… Please slow down…” You begged him, but he didn’t relent.

You could feel your own slickness building, your need growing. John’s other hand dug into your hips, his fingers pulling at your skin, sure to leave bruises. You wanted him to stop but keeping going at the same time. He continued his unrelenting movements on your body, thrusting into you hard, suddenly he stilled, holding you tightly as he came inside of you. His grip on you released as he stepped back from you, leaving you panting and thick with need. He straightened himself up and fastened his belt before bending down and sliding your panties back up.

“That wasn’t fair, John Seed.” You huffed at him, you moved past him heading to the bedroom, but he grabbed your arm.

“Where are you going?”

“I need to get cleaned up before dinner.” You tried to pull out of his grasp.

“No, no, no, little sinner. You’re going to stay like this, filled with my cum as you sit across the table from Jacob and The Father, a reminder of how rough I can be.”

“But-“

“You better finish cooking, they’ll be here soon.” He pulled you to him and pressed a kiss to the side of your head before releasing you.

John never ceased to amaze you in the lengths he would go to prove a point to you. You couldn’t blame him, you did like to push his buttons. You finished dinner and began setting the table, you leaned over to place a plate down when you felt John’s hand run up the back of your thigh. You pushed your ass back against him, playing into his game.

“By the end of the night, you will be bent over this table begging me to let you come.” He gave you a playful spank and walked away from you.

Just as you got done setting the table, Jacob and Joseph arrived. You hoped their presence would keep John from messing with you anymore. After everyone got settled and their plates were made you sat down next to John and tried to focus on your meal and not the feeling of his cum dripping down your leg.

Everyone bowed their heads as The Father began saying grace, “Dear Lord, we thank you for this wonderful meal you have blessed us with as well as our good health. Please continue to watch over us and help us in our mission to bring change to the new world. Amen.”

You shifted in your seat trying to ignore your current situation, you knew John was absolutely loving this right now, knowing how uncomfortable you were in this moment.

“How are you feeling, my child?” Joseph looked across the table at you.

“Um, I’m feeling much better. John has continued to take care of me. He’s really went above and beyond.” You smiled politely.

John leaned over and whispered into your ear, “Sucking up will get you nowhere.”

“Since I’m feeling better, I wanted to ask if there was a way I can help out with the project? I hate sitting here day after day knowing I’m not doing my part.”

“That would be great, I’m sure we can find you something to do at the church.”

“Actually, I was hoping to help with the confessions.” You glanced over at John, his gaze set on you.

“Confessions? That’s John’s area. I’m not sure you’d have the stomach for that, pup.” Jacob chided.

“Let’s hear her out, why do you think you’d be useful in obtaining confessions?” Joseph urged you to continue.

“Well, aside from the obvious that I have seen firsthand what saying ‘Yes’ can do, I can offer a different method, one that’s less… aggressive.”

 “You said so yourself several times, Father, the key to salvation is kindness. No offense to John, but kindness isn’t exactly his forte.” You saw Jacob smirk at your comment.

“I see you’ve put a great deal of thought into this. Perhaps it would benefit us to try a different way. John, what do you think?” Joseph turned his attention to John.

“She’s right, I can be quite… rough. Maybe we should let her give it a go. Couldn’t hurt, and we could end up saving more souls in the end.”

You knew he was never going to let that go, he would continue to repeat that word over and over and try to prove to you he has been nothing but soft with you. You rolled your eyes at him, ever the child.

“If you’re alright with it, John, then I see no harm.”

“Thank you, Father.” You smiled and turned to John who was no longer being coy, he had a dark look in his eyes, one that made you instinctively clench your thighs together.

John grabbed your hand and brought it up to his lips, placing a light kiss on your knuckles, grinning widely at you. You didn’t know what he was up to but it wouldn’t be good. He still held your hand as he dropped it beneath the table, he placed your hand on his thigh, all the while watching Joseph and Jacob, making sure they weren’t looking. He slid your hand over to feel the hardness growing in his pants. You gasped slightly the second you felt it, your eyes shot up to the other two men at the table, oblivious to John’s game.

You figured if he wanted to play with you, then you’d give it right back. He expected you to pull your hand away immediately, but you didn’t. Instead you began rubbing him through his pants, you watched him as he tried to keep his composure and stifling a groan. You smiled wickedly as you toyed with him under the table, proud that you had been successful in making him as on edge as you were. He strained against the fabric of his pants as you continued touching him, finally you removed your hand and went back to eating like nothing happened.

By the time dinner was over you and John were both basically panting for one another, desperate to rip into each other the second Joseph and Jacob left. You started to wonder if it was rude to tell The Father to leave so you could fuck John on the dining table. You could tell John was just as impatient as you, his fingers tapping on the table quickly.

“You’re a great cook, if it doesn’t work out with the confessions, we could use you down at the compound.” Jacob complimented you.

“You cooked, it’s only polite that we help clear the table.” Joseph stood and began gathering plates.

“No, leave it. You’re our guests.” John said, almost shouting.

“Are you sure?”

“Yep, we got it.” You added, just as impatient as John was.

“Well, thank you for the dinner and I look forward to seeing the progress you make in obtaining confessions.” Joseph pushed his chair in, Jacob stood and thanked you as well, both of them leaving as you and John stood beside each other.

The second they were out of sight you pounced on John, wrapping your legs around his waist, his arms holding you up. You kissed him hungrily, needing him now. John carried you over and sat you on the edge of the table, he wanted to gain control over you again but you weren’t letting him. You held onto him, keeping your lips latched to his. He tried to pull back, your teeth sunk into his bottom lip, biting down. John groaned as you increased the pressure, a slight tinge of blood joined your mouths. You finally released him, he touched his lip with his finger, seeing the blood you had drawn he grinned. His hand moved down between you, grabbing the waistband of your panties he pulled them, you heard the sound of the fabric stretching until they ripped apart. Hurriedly you grabbed at his belt and the button on his pants, quickly undoing them both. Your hand soon found his hardened cock, releasing it from his pants and stroking him a few times.

He positioned himself between your legs and made short work of filling you completely. You both gasped in unison, finally getting what you needed. His hands rested on the table on either side of you, trying to steady himself and not end this too quickly, but you weren’t having that, you wrapped your legs around him and pulled him closer.

“Desperate, little sinner?” He smiled at your eagerness, he held still, refusing to move until you begged.

“John, please?” You tried moving but it was no use, he grabbed your hips and held you still.

“Please what?” He feigned ignorance.

“Please… I need you…” You leaned up pressing soft kisses to his cheek, across his jaw.

“Ask me for what you need, little sinner.”

“John… I need you… to fuck me… please?” You whined looking up at him.

Without another word John pulled out of you, grabbing you off the table he turned you around and shoved plates and food off the table. He pushed you face down on the table as he entered you again from behind. His thrusts were hard and deep, exactly what you needed, the table shook as he took you roughly against it. His hands held your hips tightly, your orgasm already so close. John could feel you tightening around him, so he slowed his movements, pulling you back from the edge of your release.

“Beg.” He growled against your ear.

“You’re serious?” His ego knew no bounds.

He slowly pulled out of you almost completely before pushing back into you even slower, dragging this out as long as it took for you to beg him.

“John, please let me come? Please?” You begged pitifully.

“I’ll accept it, but we need to work on your begging skills.” His hands gripped your hips tighter as he thrust into you hard.

You were panting and breathless as he picked up the pace, pushing you closer and closer to your release. You began to tighten around him again, your orgasm pushed through you as you came hard, shuddering beneath him.

“Fuck…” He said through gritted teeth as he came apart inside you, he collapsed on top of you, taking a moment to catch his breath.

He eased out of you and stepped back, stuffing himself back into his pants as you pushed yourself up off the table, your arms shaking. You looked around at the mess of broken dishes scattered and your discarded underwear in the floor.

“You think The Father will come back and help us clean this up?”

“We’ll get one of the followers to do it. Let’s go.” He grabbed your arm pulling you with him.

“Where are we going?”

“We’re going to work on your begging skills.” You felt your heart skip a beat at his words, but you were a little worried.

The next morning you were sore in places you didn’t even know you could be sore in, John really didn’t like being called ‘rough’, you made a mental note to use that word whenever you really wanted him to ruin you. You walked downstairs to find John cooking breakfast, the mess from the night before was gone, he must have had someone come help.

“Do I get to obtain some confessions today?” You sat at the counter and watched him cook.

“About that, I’m not sure if you’re ready. It can be kind of intense and I don’t want you to get overwhelmed. We can find something else for you to do.” He placed your plate in front of you.

“But, you said last night-“

“I know what I said. But I just don’t think it’s a good idea right now, you’re still new to all of this and honestly I don’t think you can handle it.”

“Can’t I just try?”

John exhaled, “You can try on the guy downstairs, he’s close anyways. He’s a local, don’t be surprised if he doesn’t cooperate though.”

You smiled up at him, excited, but also nervous. You finished your breakfast and helped John clean up. You got dressed and decided it was now or never, John unlocked the steal door and led you down to the basement, it was weird knowing you weren’t being brought down there for torture or sex. You stood at the door, looking at the man in the chair, he was bloodied, and gagged. John opened the door and you followed him in.

“Good morning, how did you sleep?” John’s voice weighed down with sarcasm.

The guy mumbled something and looked over at you.

“This is my apprentice, she’s going to help unburden you of your sins. I’ll leave you two alone.” John turned and walked out the door, closing it behind him.

You stood frozen for a moment, you hadn’t really though about what you were going to do. You approached the man, he recoiled from you, as much as he could being tied up.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” You reached up and removed the gag from his mouth.

“Thank you.”

“I know this can all seem…overwhelming, the torture, The Father… the militant followers. But the message is pure, The Father only wants to save as many souls as he can before the end of the world. His intentions are wholesome.”

“Do I know you?” He stared up at you.

“Um, I don’t think so. I was working with the Resistance for a while before joining the Project at Eden’s Gate.”

“No, that’s not it. It’s somewhere else…” He continued staring at you as if he knew you.

“Maybe I just have one of those faces. Anyways, John and the others don’t want to kill you. They just want to help you, to help unburden your soul of your sins so you can join us at Eden’s Gate.”

“I don’t care what they’re trying to do, I’m not going to bare my soul to a bunch of crazy hicks. Are you from around here?”

“No, um, well, I used to live here but I moved away some years ago.” You wanted to connect with him, for him to see that it isn’t as bad as people think.

His eyes went wide, “I know who you are! You’re that girl, that girl whose family did all that fucked up stuff.”

“No, you have me mistaken with some-“ You backed away from him.

“It’s you, your father was the Preacher, he prostituted you and your sister out to the men of the church to keep funds coming in. Your sister hung herself in the church.”

“Wow, this is insane. Your daddy whored you out to different men and now here you are, on your knees for the Seed family, guess you just couldn’t help it.” He started to laugh.

You felt your rage rising, you didn’t want to hear him speak anymore, you were about to gag him again when John busted through the door, he lunged at the man, pushing him and the chair he was tied to, to the floor. John wrapped his hands around the man’s throat, squeezing his airway, the man choked and struggled under John’s grasp. You stood there silently, you didn’t know what to say or do. The man’s face was turning red and purple as he fought for air.

“John stop!” You finally yelled out, you didn’t want him to kill the man.

John continued holding the man’s throat, his eyes fluttered shut and he stopped moving. John released him and stood up.

“Is… Is he dead?” You moved closer.

“No, just unconscious. Let’s go.” He turned to you and grab your arm, pushing you out the door and locking it behind him.

“This is exactly why I didn’t want you doing this. I knew you wouldn’t be able to handle it.” He stood in the kitchen, his demeanor no longer loving towards you.

“I just thought-“

“No, you didn’t think, you didn’t fucking think at all. There is a reason we do things the way we do, you cannot go down there and try to use logic with them, you can’t go down there with your emotions on your sleeve looking like a lost puppy. This little experiment is over.” John stormed off without another word.

You stood in the kitchen, thinking about what he said, it hurt, but he was right. You wanted to lessen their suffering, but they have to suffer in order to own their sins. You didn’t see John for the rest of the night, you assumed he went to tell Joseph of your failure, which made you feel even worse, you wanted to help, to make them proud of you in some way. When John finally returned home you were in the bed, you didn’t want him to yell at you anymore, so you pretended to be asleep, luckily he wasn’t in the mood to talk to you.

You woke the next morning to find John had already left. You walked down to the kitchen and made yourself some cereal. You sat at the counter, pushing the cereal around the bowl, you didn’t seem to have an appetite. Your attention was caught by someone coming in the front door, you hoped it was John, but it was Joseph.

“Good morning, Father.” You smiled politely.

“Morning, my child. May we talk?”

You nodded your head and sat down on the couch. Joseph took a seat in front of you, you tried to read his expression but couldn’t. Maybe he was here to tell you John wanted nothing more to do with you, or that you’re being kicked out of the Project.

“John told me what happened yesterday.”

“I know he’s disappointed in me, that you all are, but I really thought I could help. I understand now that suffering is the only path that will lead to true salvation. If you want me to leave I will.”

“My sweet child, we are not disappointed in you, nor do we want you to leave. You have great potential, I can see that. You are loyal to the Project and have experienced a lot of suffering in your lifetime. I spoke with John about this, and we think it would be helpful if you could train with Jacob for a bit, nothing permanent. Just to teach you about our recruitment, some weapons training, and other things.” Joseph sat forward, resting his arms on his knees.

“And John agrees? He wants me to leave the Ranch?” You couldn’t help but feel a little heartbroken, you thought he loved you.

“Well, John doesn’t exactly agree, but he will see in time that this is for the best.”

“Is that why he’s been avoiding me? I haven’t seen him since yesterday morning.”

“Possibly, but I think it has more to do with his reaction the other day, he attacked that man when he heard those awful things he said about you. John still has his own sins he is battling with.”

“Did the man confess yet?” You felt bad for the way things were handled, John was only trying to protect you.

“Did John not tell you? He died. John killed him that night.”

You sat back in disbelief, you saw the man was still breathing, John said he was just unconscious. He must have gone back down there. You felt tears spring to your eyes, you were responsible for John’s rage and a man’s death.

“I’m so sorry, Father. I never meant for any of this to happen.” Tears streaming down your face as you cried softly.

“My child do not blame yourself, John has killed men before, we all have. This is nothing new.” Joseph knelt in front of you, his hand resting on your knee.

“I know that, but this man… this man died because of me, there was no other reason behind his death other than my foolishness, my naivety. You’re right, I need to be taught, to learn how to do this. When do I start?” You wiped the tears from your cheeks.

“Jacob said you could start tomorrow. He has everything in place for your arrival.”

“Thank you, Father. I’m going to do my best. If you see John, please tell him I miss him.”

“Of course.” He smiled slightly before standing and leaving.

You were nervous about going back to Jacob’s, last time you were there it wasn’t very pleasant, but this time it would be different. You wouldn’t be a prisoner, you’d be a soldier, well a soldier in training. You wondered where John was, Joseph didn’t give much information about where he had been. You were determined not to cause anymore turmoil for him, he has struggled so much since you arrived. You felt bad about the death of that man, you knew being a part of this would mean being accustomed to death and killing, but he died for no reason other than John’s need to protect you. Hopefully, Jacob would be able to help you become stronger, more adept.

The day lingered on as you prepared for tomorrow, you packed some clothes, mostly pants and shirts, two dresses just in case. You still hadn’t seen John and it was already mid-day. You ran to the window every time you heard a noise, but it was only various followers doing things around the Ranch. You decided to cook yourself, and John if he ever showed up, a nice meal because you knew you wouldn’t be eating very well with Jacob. You finished cooking and made two plates, hoping John would return soon, but by the time you’d finished eating there was still no sign of him. Your heart sank in your chest, you were worried about him and didn’t want to leave without seeing him. You cleaned up the kitchen and decided to take a bath, not knowing if you’d even get the chance while you were with Jacob.

You sat back in the warm water, letting it envelop you completely, you closed your eyes and tried to relax, even for just a minute. Suddenly you felt a pair of hands grab you under your arms and start to lift you from the bath, your eyes popped open to see John, finally.

“John… What are you doing?” You asked as he pulled you out of the tub, but he remained silent.

He placed your feet on the ground and grabbed your hand, pulling you behind him towards the bed.

“Where have you been?” You continued to question him, but he still didn’t respond.

John sat on the edge of the bed, his hands grabbed your hips, pulling you closer to him. His face nuzzled against your stomach, kissing and licking your skin.

“John, stop. I want to talk to you.” You tried to push him back, but he wouldn’t relent.

“Damnit John, I said stop.” You shouted, finally he stopped and looked up at you.

“What?”

“Don’t ‘what’ me, where the fuck have you been and what’s wrong with you?”

“I’ve been…out and nothing’s wrong with me, I just… I just need you.” His eyes were full of sorrow, he was the one who looked like a lost puppy now.

You decided not to press him any further, not wanting to argue on your last night together. You cupped his face in your hands and leaned down, kissing him tenderly, his hands held your waist, pulling you closer to him. You placed one knee on the bed beside him, trying to get closer, he laid back on the bed and moved up to the head board, signaling for you to straddle him. You moved forward and crawled up his body until you were face to face, your knees on either side of him. John’s lips never left yours, his kiss was filled with passion and gentleness, like he was afraid you’d disappear if he was even the slightest bit rough with you. His hands squeezed your hips, pulling you down onto him, you could feel his cock hardening beneath you. You were soaked already just for him, but knew he needed this slow.

John began pulling your hips up, trying to move you, at first you were confused at what he wanted then you realized, he wanted you to straddle his face. You carefully moved up his body until your center was directly over his mouth, you held onto the headboard for support as you slowly sank down. His tongue and lips immediately made contact with your slick folds, you bucked your hips and moaned. You could feel his beard between your legs, rubbing you, you had grown to love that feeling, his tongue licked from your center up to your clit and back down again. John’s hands held tight on your hips as your rocked against his face, you could already feel yourself getting close to the edge as your hands gripped the headboard. John’s tongue circled your clit as his hands moved to your thighs, squeezing, you felt your first orgasm of the night pulse through your body as you trembled on top of him.

As you came down from your orgasm John immediately rolled you over onto the bed, he sat back on his knees between your legs and removed his shirt, you ran your hands up his torso, feeling every scar, every muscle. He unbuttoned his pants and discarded them along with his underwear, he wasted no time in returning his lips to yours, pressing his body against yours before slipping his cock inside you. You moaned at the feeling and wrapped your arms and legs around his body, pulling him closer to you. John moved so slowly and easily within you, wanting this to last as long as it could. John knew you were going to Jacob’s temporarily, though he would never say it out loud he was worried you’d leave him for good so he wanted to make your last night together as perfect as possible.

He kissed you tenderly as you rocked in unison together, his cock reaching deep inside you and then pulling almost all the way out, pushing you towards another release. You clung to his body, reveling in the feeling of his skin against yours as you moaned his name in sweet broken syllables. You felt your orgasm roll through your body as your body tensed around him, pleasure moving through you. John pulled back form the kiss to watch as you came undone beneath him, the perfect sounds you made, when your mouth formed an ‘o’ as you came down, he loved every second of it. He couldn’t hold back any longer and picked up his pace, his thrusts became more urgent and passionate.

“John…” You whimpered, knowing another orgasm was on the brink for you, hoping his was nearing as well.

Within a few more thrusts his body stilled as he found his release within you as you felt your third orgasm sending waves of pleasure through your body. He stayed inside you for a moment while he placed gentle kisses on your face and neck before easing out of you. He laid beside you and pulled your body against his chest, wrapping his arms around you.

“I’m coming back, John.” You peered into his deep blue eyes.

“I’m going to miss this… miss you.” His voice was low as he leaned forward kissing your lips softly.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day had come, you were to go to Jacob's for training, John was reluctant to let you go but knew he had to.

The next morning John cooked you breakfast before you left, you didn’t eat much and neither did he. One of Jacob’s Hunters were supposed to come pick you up and take you to the VA Center. You helped John clean up and cuddled with him on the couch in silence until a truck arrived. When you heard the vehicle outside both of you turned to look out the window, your heart sank as you knew you had to go. John helped you carry your things outside and put them in the truck.

“I’ll be back. I promise.” You wrapped your arms around him.

“You better. You know I’ll send my men after you.” He pulled you tighter in the embrace, not wanting to let you go.

He finally released you as you got into the truck and watched him as you rode away. You had never seen this look on him before, he looked truly heartbroken, you hoped you were making the right decision.

You rode in silence as you thought about what was to come, you were nervous and also worried about John. You watched the road as the man drove, you saw something up ahead, looked like an overturned truck, he stopped the vehicle.

“Stay here.” He said as he got out.

Before he had a chance to make 3 steps from the truck an arrow went right through his head. You looked around panicked, trying to figure out where it came from, suddenly your door opened, and you were being pulled out of the truck. You kicked and screamed, trying to get away, but they held firm. They threw you in the back of a van and drove off. You sat up and tried to open the door but it was no use. There was a metal cage separating you from the driver.

“What do you want from me?” You yelled, but they didn’t answer.

You sat down against the wall and waited to be taken wherever it was they were taking you. You knew it wasn’t Peggies, it had to be someone with the Resistance.

John paced back and forth on his porch, he wasn’t sure what to do, you had been gone for a few hours now, probably just getting settled in with Jacob. He looked up when he heard a truck coming up the drive. He was a bit confused to see Jacob and Joseph get out.

“You can’t keep her, John. We talked about this, it’s for the best. Where is she?” Joseph asked as he approached the porch.

“What are you talking about? One of Jacob’s Hunters just left with her.”

“She isn’t here?” Jacob questioned.

“No. Will someone tell me what the fuck is going on?” John started to worry.

“She never made it to the Center, neither did my Hunter.”

“Where is she then?” John’s concern for you becoming more apparent as he tensed up.

“We’ll find her, John.” Joseph reassured him.

You rode for what seemed like forever in the back of the van, it finally slowed and came to a complete stop. You moved to the back of the van away from the doors as you heard someone unlocking them.

“Thank God! We found you!” The woman yelled, she removed the bandana from her face, you couldn’t believe it.

“Lynn? How-How did you find me?” You moved towards the doors and embraced her.

“We’ve been looking for you for a while now. We caught word that you were being taken to Jacob’s so we decided to watch John’s Ranch until they moved you.”

Lynn was the woman who trained you when you arrived in Hope County, she taught you how to use a gun and simple combat maneuvers. She took you in and helped you get started. She was with you the night you were taken by the Seed family.

“Let me look at you, how did they treat you? I bet it was just awful.” She held you at arm’s length checking you over.

“I see John got his hands on you. I’m truly sorry they ever laid a finger on you. Come on, let’s get you inside.” She grabbed your hand and pulled you behind her towards the house.

Once you had eaten and gotten settled everyone wanted to hear about what you’d been through. Normally, they wouldn’t have pressed you, but they needed information if they were going to stop them.

“So, what happened?” Lynn asked as she sat at the table across from you.

“Um, they took me from the outpost and told me I was special. The Fa- Joseph, told me I was important to the Project.”

“What about John? He seems like a real dick.”

“John, tortured me on my first night there, to obtain my confession. Then he carved my sins into my skin, which got pretty infected. I was actually really sick for a few days.” You fidgeted with your fingers, you couldn’t tell them the truth, that you were in love with John, that you wanted to go back to him more than anything.

“Why were they taking you to Jacob’s?”

“Joseph said it was to train me, to teach me how to fight and about their purpose.”

John paced the living room as Jacob talked with his Hunters, he told them where you disappeared and sent them out to find any information.

“We know where she is, she’s with the Resistance, let’s just go kill every one of them until they tell us where she is.” John shouted, annoyed that you hadn’t been found yet.

“Calm down, John. We cannot do that. We will find her, I promise.”

“I don’t want to be the one to say this, but what if she was playing us? What if she had gotten word out about her being moved and had them jump my man?” Jacob stepped towards John.

“She wouldn’t do that.” John argued.

“She could be telling them everything about us right now, our whole operation.”

“I’m not going to listen to this.” John grabbed his keys and left the house, slamming the door behind him.

“You know I’m right, Joseph. She could have been with the Resistance the whole time.”

You were tired from the day and asked if you could go to bed, Lynn wants you to draw a detailed map of John’s Ranch and write down anything else you can tell them. You sat up in the room they gave you, you missed John’s bed, his room, him. You were startled when you heard a radio buzz. You switched the dial on it, trying to find a channel without static.

 _“Oh, Little Sinner…”_ You heard John’s voice coming through.

Suddenly Lynn burst in, holding a radio of her own, “You have to hear this, he’s been broadcasting it for the last hour.”

 _“Oh, Little Sinner, you left me… That hurts. But don’t worry, I’m going to find you and I’ll bring you back home safe, where you belong, by my side.”_ His words made your heart skip a beat, ‘by my side’, he said that before your confession.

“He really doesn’t like that you left. Don’t worry, we won’t let them take you again.” She reassured you and left the room.

You didn’t sleep much that night, dreams of John kept waking you up, you were hopeful they were real, and he had come to take you back, but each time you opened your eyes your heart sank. You heard a knock on your door, it was Lynn. She came in and sat down, looking at you.

“I don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to come out and say it, are you with them? Did you join the Project?”

“W-Why do you ask?” You furrowed your brow.

“Well, you didn’t really say anything bad about them, and- we heard you calling out for John in your sleep.”

You dropped your gaze from her, fidgeting with your fingers again.

“It’s alright if you did, you had to do whatever it took to survive. But, the others want to make sure you’re not going to turn on us.”

“I would never do that, Lynn. You took me in when I had nowhere to go, and you… you saved me.” You felt a tinge of guilt, you wanted to go back, but you wouldn’t betray them, but you also couldn’t betray the Seed’s.

“I didn’t think you would, kid, just had to be sure. Let’s go get some breakfast.”

John’s plane roared over the mountain, this being his fourth pass as he tried to see something, anything that might lead him to you. He refused to listen to Jacob, he knew you wouldn’t leave him, not now, you said you loved him, he’d do whatever it took to get you back.

“Have your Hunters found anything?” Joseph asked.

“The arrow that was used to kill my man had a slate tip, hand-carved. There’s slate in the hills near Henbane River, I bet that’s where they took her. I gotta ask, what do we do when we find her?”

“Depends on how we find her. If she ran, we cannot take another chance with her.”

You ate breakfast and listened to idle chit-chat, Lynn made sure no one bothered you for more information. After you were done she brought you to their command room, there were maps and charts, so much information about the Seed family.

“We have a plan on how to get rid of them for good. You see this?” She pointed to some schematics.

“What is it?” You turned your head trying to read the blueprint.

“It’s a military grade weapon. We know all the Seed’s go to church on Sunday, that’s where we’re gonna hit them. We had to wait though until we got all the parts.”

“And until you saved me, right?”

“Yeah, kid, we’d never let anything happen to you. Ben has been working on it day and night to get it ready.”

“What’s the radius on this thing?” You glanced over the schematics again.

“Well, Ben thinks it’ll cover about 20 miles, so we will have to be long gone before it goes off.”

“And Ben knows what he’s doing?” You were starting to grow concerned.

“Of course, don’t you worry, we got this all figured out. Gonna blow those Seed’s to fucking dust.” She laughed.

You felt this worry in the pit of your stomach, no offense to them, but they all seemed like backwards hicks, how did they know how to build and detonate a weapon like that? Did they even know what they were doing?

“So, when’s the big day?” You asked, needing more information.

“We’re hoping this Sunday, when we took you we knew it would piss them right off, so hopefully Joseph pulls them all to church Sunday to discuss getting you back.”

You stepped back from her, “You used me then? As bait?”

“Well-Not technically. And we did want to get you out of there.”

You couldn’t believe it, they weren’t worried about you, you had been with John for a while and they just now rescued you? You ran out and back up to your room, locking the door behind you. You searched for the radio and switched it on.

 _“Hello? John? Please pick up.”_ You clutched the radio, waiting.

 _“Little Sinner, so good to hear your voice again.”_ His voice cracked over the radio.

_“John, listen, they kidnapped me, I didn’t run. Please believe me.”_

_“Where are you?”_

_“I’m in a small house on the edge of Holland Valley and Henbane River. They’re planning something, John, something big.”_

_“I’m coming to get you, don’t worry.”_ The radio went silent.

“Jacob, gather all your Hunters, I know where she is.” John said as he strode into the house.

“How?” Jacob looked at him confused.

“She contacted me over the radio. She said they kidnapped her. We have to go now.”

“John, it could be a trap to lure you in.” Joseph said.

“That’s why I’m not going alone. I won’t leave her there.” He turned to Joseph.

“Alright, Jacob will go with you along with anyone else you can get. But, if things go south, you get out of there, whether you have her with you or not.”

Jacob called in his Hunters and Judges, John summoned several followers as well as his Chosen. He was determined to get you back and never let you leave his sight again.

 _“Little Sinner, I’m coming for you. Better run South before I catch you.”_ John’s voice echoed over the radio.

He wasn’t threatening you, he was letting you know which way he was coming from. You didn’t reply this time, you knew you had to run. You waited until everyone was asleep, you slowly opened your door and tiptoed downstairs. You stopped at the Command room, you went in and rolled up the schematics for the weapon, hopefully Jacob would be able to figure it out. You made your way outside and stood on the porch, trying to remember which way was South.

“Hey, what are you doing out here? You’ll catch your death without a coat.” Lynn walked up behind you.

You tucked the schematic into your pocket, “I-I just wanted some fresh air.”

“Look, I know things got… heated earlier, but we really did want to get you back, it’s just… trying to convince a bunch of people to risk their lives for one person isn’t easy.”

“I understand. I appreciate the effort.” You smiled weakly, hoping she’d leave.

Lynn grabbed you and pulled you into a hug, she tensed when she felt the paper folded in your pocket. Before you could stop her she had pulled it out, her face dropped when she realized what it was.

“What are you doing with this?”

“I-I was…” You stuttered.

“You were going to run back to them, weren’t you? Tell them our plan?”

“No, Lynn, I wasn’t-“ Before you could finish your sentence she smacked you across the face.

A few other people approached as they saw what happened.

“Tie her up.” Lynn commanded as she went back inside the house.

Two men grabbed you and dragged you around back to the cellar entrance, they tied your legs and arms, putting a gag in your mouth as well before throwing you down into the cellar and locking the door. You laid on the ground in the most uncomfortable position, hoping John would be there soon to save you.

“Wait a damn second. We have to scout the area, we can’t just go in guns blazing. Have you never rescued someone before? They’ll shoot her before we even get close.” Jacob grabbed John before he could charge into the house.

“Well we can’t just sit here all day.” John argued, he wanted to get you back before anything happened to you.

“You two search the perimeter, if there’s a door or something that’s well guarded, we’ll know that’s where they probably have her.” Jacob pointed at his Hunters.

“You two, I need a head count, how many, what weapons they have.” He looked over at two of John’s Chosen, sending them to gather more information.

“We’re just going to sit here?” John stared at him.

“What would you like to do then?”

“I have a plan.” John said before he ran out of cover towards the house, Jacob tried to stop him but couldn’t get him in time.

“Sinners, I’m making house calls now to unburden your souls, line up!” He shouted as he stood in front of the house.

Several people peered out the window, Lynn walked out holding a rifle aimed right for his head.

“You must be real stupid coming here.”

“I figured you weren’t coming to me, so I should come to you. Make your confession a little easier.”

“Like I believe that for a second. You’re here for her. Today’s your lucky day, boys, search him and tie him up. Put him downstairs with her.” John was rushed by 3 men who patted him down before grabbing him and taking him to the back of the house.

“At least now we know where they’ve got ‘em.” Jacob said to one of his Hunters as he watched John’s performance come to an end.

You looked up panicked as you heard the door open, your eyes couldn’t believe it when you saw John being ushered in. They tied his legs and arms, tossing him into the room with you.

“Hey, Little Sinner, you look cute all tied up.” John beamed at you.

You tried to say something, but the gag was still in your mouth. John moved closer to you, moving his body to where his face was lined up with yours. He used his teeth to grab the gag from your mouth and pull it free, immediately latching his lips to yours as soon as they were exposed to him.

“Hmmm, you’ve been gone far too long.” He whispered against your lips.

“I agree, when do we get to go home?”

“When Jacob’s done ‘scouting’ the area” He looked down at your split lip, wanting to kill the person that did that to you.

Jacob’s men returned with a head count of 12, most people had handguns, some had AR-15s. He decided it would be better to get in and get out quietly, only taking what they needed. They moved around the house, two guards at the cellar door. His men took them out quietly before they moved to the door.

“Well, aren’t you two cozy down here?” He said as he walked down into the cellar.

“Just untie us.” John glared at him.

Jacob took out a big hunting knife and sliced through your ropes first, then John’s.

“You alright, pup?” He looked down at your lip.

“Yeah, just a battle wound.” You smiled up at him.

“You can flirt later, let’s get out of here.” John commented, he didn’t like the way Jacob looked at or talked to you. You rolled your eyes at his jealousy.

You followed them out of the cellar, “Wait, we have to get their plans, they have a weapon.”

“What kind of weapon?” Jacob turned to you.

“It was a bomb of some kind, I had the blueprints but they took them.”

“We really can’t go in there and just get them, it’d be too dangerous with you here. Do you remember what it looked like?”

You nodded your head, you were fairly certain you could at least describe the outline of it.

“Good, you can draw it later. Let’s go.” He stepped cautiously out of the cellar door, his men still waiting there.

You kept your head low as you followed Jacob, John close behind you. Once you were out of the area you sighed a breath of relief. You couldn’t help but feel a little guilty, you were supposed to be on their side, helping them fight the Seed’s, but now you were running from them.

The entire ride back to John’s Ranch his lips were on yours, he held you in his lap as if he were worried you’d slip through his fingers again. Jacob rolled his eyes, wishing they had brought separate cars. You wrapped your arms around John’s neck, never wanting to be away from him again. Luckily, the ride wasn’t too long, you just wanted to get back home.

“How did it go?” Joseph stood up as you all entered the house.

“We have a problem, she says they have a weapon.” Jacob said.

“It’s a bomb, they plan on detonating it on Sunday.” You stood in front of Joseph.

Joseph stepped forward and pressed his forehead to yours for a moment, closing his eyes.

“I am glad you’re alright, my child.” He said as he released you.

You gathered some paper and began to sketch the bomb, trying to remember any of the numbers and symbols it had written on it. When you were done you handed it to Jacob.

“Did they say where they got this?”

“No, just that some guy was working on building it and it was almost done. They said the blast radius would be about 20 miles.”

Jacob stared at the drawing, “20 miles? If this is what I think it is, the blast radius is way more than 20 fucking miles.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob looked over the plans you had drawn out, revealing just how bad it could be if the bomb detonated. Joseph set his brothers on the task of preparing everyone for the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't been updating this story as often, I got caught up with A Devil Like Jesus.

“If they detonate this, the end is going to come a lot sooner than what we expected.” Jacob stared at the picture you’d drawn.

“What do you mean?” You asked.

“I’m not an expert, and I guarantee the idiot working on this isn’t either, one slip of the hand and he could blast this place off the map.”

“We need to get in the bunkers then, before they have a chance.” John said as he realized the end very well could be near.

You remained silent, you didn’t know what to say, Joseph had been right, the end was here. You watched as they discussed what to do now.

“I agree, Jacob, gather the followers and usher them to the bunkers. John, head to your bunker and collect anyone on the way. I’m going to the compound to help prepare, I’ll meet you later.” Joseph touched his forehead to each of his brothers and you before leaving. The bunkers were well stocked with food and water and everything else people would need, they just had to gather everyone in time.

They took their instructions and left. John rushed around the house gathering things as he went, you could do nothing but watch as he moved. You were beginning to grow worried, what would happen if they set the bomb off before you had a chance to get to the bunker?

“Alright, let’s go.” He grabbed your hand and pulled you out the door. He spoke to one of the followers and informed them of what was going on, as you got into his truck.

John drove fast, reaching his bunker quickly, he hurried you out of the truck and down into the bunker. Followers began ushering in, you and John helped organize them into rooms and get a head count on how many there were. A few hours passed before John heard from his brothers over the radio.

 _“I’ve got about 21 people up here. Gonna head out in the morning to collect a few more.”_ Jacob said.

 _“There are a few followers still here at the compound gathering more supplies. I’m going to stay here, and we will go to John’s in the morning.”_ Joseph added.

 _“We have 14 here, plenty of room for more.”_ John pressed the button on the radio.

You stayed by John’s side while he worked, he kept an inventory of food and water, as well as clothing and medical supplies. They made sure everything was well stocked enough for at least 30 people to survive for 7 years. You held a knot of anxiety in your stomach the entire time, once he was finished you returned to his room, which obviously had the most amenities. You sat on the bed and fidgeted with your fingers.

“You okay?” He stopped and glanced at you once he realized you’d been silent this entire time.

“Yeah, just worried is all.”

“You have nothing to worry about, we’re safe now.” He stood in front of you, cupping your face in his hands.

He leaned down and kissed your lips softly, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him down, deepening the kiss. You wanted to forget everything going on around you and this was the only thing that could distract you, being in John’s arms. He sensed your need and began unbuttoning his shirt, letting it fall to the floor as he pushed you back onto the bed and settled between your legs. His body weight pressed down on you, helping you feel safe and comforted as he continued to kiss you tenderly. His hands slid up your dress, pushing it up your body, you loved the feeling of his firm hands on you.

He broke the kiss for a moment to slip your dress over your head, leaving you bare beneath him except for your underwear. His lips left yours again as he kissed his way down your body, stopping over your breasts to swirl his tongue around both nipples, giving them each a swift bite. You were already wet with need and panting beneath him, he grabbed the waistband of your panties and slowly slid them off your legs. He stood up briefly to remove the rest of his clothing and joined you on the bed again. His hands roamed over your body as you writhed and moaned for him to take you already. He moved between your legs, pushing them open as he pressed the tip of his length to your entrance, slowly, inch by inch, entering you, making you gasp as he filled you. He lazily moved within you, pulling himself almost all the way out and pushing back in. Your bodies moved in unison, you tilted your hips up to meet him thrust for thrust as his lips trailed over your neck and chest.

“J-John…” You moaned his name so sweetly as you threw your head back in ecstasy.

His name on your lips only made him need you more, he increased his pace, sliding in and out of you more fervently.

“Come on, little sinner…” He growled as you clung to him, your nails dragging down his back.

He needed to feel you unraveling beneath him as much as you needed to find your release. You moaned and panted, your orgasm so close.

“F-fuck…” You moaned louder than you wanted as you came around him, your walls tightened, pulling his release from him as well.

He pulled out of you, only briefly, he laid beside you and entered you again from behind as he pulled you back against him, holding you in his arms.

“Again?” You asked as you barely caught your breath.

“Not just yet. I just want to stay like this for a while.” He nuzzled his face against your neck.

Your worries had subsided as you remained in John’s arms. You didn’t mean to but both of you had fallen asleep, it had been a trying day. When you finally woke up John was still wrapped around you. You moved and he groaned before waking up fully.

“Guess we missed round two.” He smiled against your neck.

“We have time now.” You pushed your ass back against him.

“Mmmm, might have to take a rain check, I need to get going.” He released you and sat up in the bed.

“Where are you going?” You looked at him confused.

“I’m going to help Joseph, but I’ll be back.” He grabbed his clothes and started to get dressed.

“No, John, you can’t go.” You grabbed his hand, not wanting him to leave you.

“I’ll be right back, Joseph needs my help in gathering followers, it’s the whole reason for all of this. I promise, I won’t be long. Just stay here and help any followers that come in.” He finished dressing, he grabbed your face and kissed you passionately before leaving.

You got dressed and paced the room, deciding to wait by the main door for him to return and help anyone else who came in. You stood in the bunker, it was quiet and cold, you wanted to go with him, but knew you wouldn’t be able to. You’d just slow him down. You paced back and forth, waiting and waiting, a few followers had entered the bunker but no John yet. You helped them carry in bags and different things, getting them squared away, it was nice to have a distraction. It felt like hours had passed, but there was no John. You felt the ground rumble and shake, a loud boom went off in the distance and you knew, you knew the bomb had gone off. You ran to the door, but a follower grabbed you and held you back, you wanted to go find John, he hadn’t come back yet.

“No! I have to go!” You screamed for them to let you go but they wouldn’t, suddenly you heard the main door open and lock. Tears sprang to your eyes when you saw who had entered, it was Joseph.

“Where’s John?” You searched his eyes for an answer.

“I-I don’t think he made it, he came to the compound… He told me to head here while he gathered more people…He said he’d be right behind me, but the bombs went off before…” Joseph stood in shock, staring into the distance, not looking at you.

The follower released you as you fell to your knees in the floor, you couldn’t stop the tears from flowing, your heart ached at the thought, knowing John didn’t make it, the man you loved was gone. It was getting hard to breath, you felt sick, your chest felt heavy. Joseph noticed your panic and dropped to his knees in front of you, pulling you to his chest as he tried to calm you.

“I’m sorry, my child…” He whispered as he held you.

“No, this is all your fault! He came to help you!” You pushed him away from you. Joseph could see how hurt you were, he wanted nothing more than to comfort you, but knew you wouldn’t let him.

Joseph had one of the followers take you to John’s room in the bunker, you barely registered getting up and walking, once you were in the room you laid down on the bed and continued to cry.

Joseph gathered the followers and helped them settle into their rooms, he checked their inventory and stock, finding ways to keep himself busy until he ran out of things to do. He found his own room and sat down on the edge of the bed, finally letting his own pain through, tears streamed down his face. He didn’t know if Jacob had made it, or Faith, his family was gone for all he knew, he had worked so hard to save them, to help them, and now they were all gone. This was not the path, this was not how he was supposed to go to Eden’s Gate, his family was supposed to be there with him in the end.

A few days had passed since the bombs went off, you stopped crying, but only because you ran out of tears. You refused to leave your room, to eat, to sleep. You hated yourself for not going with John or making him stay, you didn’t get enough time with him and now he was gone. You thought of all things you loved about him, how you’d never get to hear him call you ‘little sinner’ again. You were curled up on the bed when a knock came to your door. You didn’t answer, you hadn’t spoken a word since that day. You glanced at the door when it opened, it was Joseph, with food and water.

“Please, you have to eat something.” He placed the food down on the table next to you and sat down on the bed.

“No. I’d rather die than accept anything from you.” You hissed, keeping your gaze as far from him as possible.

Joseph moved closer to you, but you moved away, you didn’t want him anywhere near you. He exhaled and left you. You were the last connection he had to his family, his true family, but you rejected him.

Day after day he returned, the same ritual over and over. He brought food, you refused it, he tried to make small talk, but you ignored him. You wished death would come for you, but it never did. You looked at the food but refused it. He returned every day with fresh food and water, sitting with you for a few minutes before leaving again. You blamed him fully for John being dead, but he continued to show you compassion. You refused to speak to him or look at him each time he came in. Your body was weak, but you prayed for death, hoping it would come soon as you continued to refuse to eat. Joseph grew concerned for you, he knew you couldn’t keep this up, you had to eat something.

One day he returned with food and water, he sat on your bed and began reading to you, you half expected him to read his Bible to you, but you recognized it as he read, it was one of John’s books, _To Kill A Mockingbird._ He leaned back against the wall and read chapter after chapter to you. At first you tried to ignore it, but you eventually turned to him and listened to him read, it was oddly soothing. He stopped after Chapter three, noticing you were engaged in the story.

“If you eat, I’ll continue.”

You hesitated, but his reading helped take your mind off John briefly, you sat up and took a drink of the water and a bite of a cracker. You waited for him to continue. He wanted you to eat more, but this was progress and he’d take it. He opened the book back up and started reading again. As he read you took another drink of the water, you didn’t realize how thirsty you were until you’d had a sip.

You began to look forward to his visits, you had begun to eat a little more, but still not much and you would only sleep for a few hours. He finished that book and started another. As much as you hated to admit it, you saw Joseph as your only friend, your only connection to John now.

“Do you think he suffered?” You spoke softly for the first time in weeks, catching Joseph off guard.

“No. I think it was quick.” He stopped reading and looked up at you.

“I hope so. I-I have these dreams sometimes… of him…” You stared at your hands as you fidgeted with your fingers.

“Me too. I see him often.”

“Will it get easier?” You finally brought your gaze up to meet his, looking him in the eye for the first time since you came down here. His face reminded you of John, so much it pained you to look at him too long.

“Losing someone never gets easier, we just get used to living our lives without them. We learn to adapt to their absence.”

“I just-I miss him so much.” You laid your head on Joseph’s chest and began to cry, he held you in his arms, doing his best to comfort you and not show his own pain from losing his brother. Joseph was overjoyed that you allowed him to be close to you, he needed this familiarity, like when you were sick, and he cared for you.

It had been 2 months now since the bombs dropped. You left your room seldomly still, only to gather supplies. You were glad John had his room built with a bathroom in it, so you didn’t have to share with anyone else. Joseph still visited daily, reading to you as you ate.

“What do you think it’s like up there?” You asked Joseph between bites of your food.

“Full of death and destruction. When it is our time to leave there will be peace.”

“I bet John would’ve hated it down here.”

“Why do you say that?” He looked at you quizzically.

“No planes.” You smiled.

“I bet you’re right.” He smirked, he was glad you were starting to come around more to him being there, he felt a connection with you, you gave him a calmness he struggled to find on his own.

“Have you tried the radio to Jacob’s bunker, to see if he made it?”

“Yes, his and Faith’s, but there’s no answer. Only static.”

“Maybe he made it to one of the smaller bunkers.” You tried to give him some hope, you could see how much it weighed on his mind about losing his family.

The days and weeks passed as you grew closer to Joseph, you often talked to him about the future and what it would be like, and of course John.

“Do you think he loved me?” You looked over at Joseph.

“I do. I think he loved you with all of his heart, which was difficult for John.” He believed his words 100%, John was never as happy as he was with you. He was glad his brother had found love before the end. His words brought you comfort.

Over time your thoughts of John lessened, though he was always on your mind the tears didn’t come as easily anymore. You were able to sleep more and eat more as well. Joseph got back into his work, preaching to the followers and writing his sermons, it took him a while to move forward with things after the loss of his brothers. At first you refused to attend, you didn’t want to participate in anything outside your room. But eventually Joseph coaxed you into coming to one sermon, saying he would be very happy if you’d go. You sat through the service and watched him speak passionately about what he believed Eden’s Gate would be like, how his visions have showed him the path. You genuinely enjoyed it and he seemed happy for a moment, glancing at you every so often.

“Did you like it?” He asked at the end.

“Actually, I did. It was nice.” It made you hopeful for the future.

“I’m glad, maybe you’ll join us again?”

“Maybe.” You answered honestly, it was nice to leave your room for a bit.

One year down, six more to go. It had been a year since you lost John and Joseph had lost his family. You didn’t go to the sermon that day, you didn’t really feel like being around others. Joseph knocked on your door lightly that night, you welcomed him in.

“Are you feeling alright?” He asked as he entered.

“It’s been a year, a full year without him. I worry I’m forgetting what his face looks like.” You looked up at him, tears pooling in your eyes.

“I hadn’t realized it’d been that long already. But, even if you forget what he looks like, you won’t forget what it felt like to love him and be loved by him.” Joseph sat next to you and pulled you close, wrapping his arm around you as you cried.

You had become accustomed to his presence, and often sought him out when you were feeling overwhelmed or when the grief got to be too much. He welcomed your dependency and felt the same about you, he often looked forward to seeing you and talking with you like old friends.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You had become comfortable with Joseph, you both began to care for each other deeply, you were unsure of how far you wanted to progress the relationship.

You actively avoided the other followers as much as possible, as the months passed, Joseph was the only one you socialized with. You tossed and turned in your bed, that night dreams of the explosions plagued you. You woke up in a sweat, panic setting in your stomach, you jumped out of bed and sought out the only person who could calm you. You knocked on his door but there was no answer. You opened it slowly, Joseph was passed out on his bed, snoring lightly. You didn’t want to wake him, you knew besides yourself he was the only other person here that sleep often evaded. You decided to climb into the bed next to him and rest there until you felt more at ease.

You slept so heavily you didn’t notice when Joseph had pulled you closer in his sleep, seeking out comfort. You had nuzzled yourself into his neck and draped your arm across his chest as you both slept. Joseph shifted, you stretched and opened your eyes, to see his staring directly at you. You froze for a second before you remembered why you were here.

“I’m sorry, I-I had a nightmare.” You moved to get up but Joseph pulled you closer. It had been so long since you’d been held by someone, felt another person’s loving touch, you relaxed against him.

You both remained silent for a while, just enjoying each other’s warmth and intimacy.

“We should probably get up at some point today.” Joseph looked down at you as you lay across his chest.

“Just a bit longer?” You stared up at him, not wanting this simple comfort to end.

After that night your visits to Joseph’s room increased, you often ate dinner with him and took naps together. He would hum a song and you’d fall asleep easily. You both seemed to sleep better when you were together than when you were apart. Without actively talking about it, you ended up spending most nights in his bed, there was something about having another person to share this dismal situation with that helped. You laid in bed facing Joseph, he had just finished reading to you, you felt so relaxed and a hint of happiness.

“Are you coming to the sermon tomorrow?” He asked as he moved down in the bed, bringing his face only inches from yours.

“I-I don’t know. It’s not really my thing. All those people.” You looked down from him, feeling ashamed that you didn’t go to the service, but you really didn’t like being around all those people. Joseph’s hand moved under your chin, lifting your gaze back up to his.

“Please consider it? It would mean a great deal to me.”

“I’ll think about it.” There was something in his eyes, something pleading, that he needed you close as much as you needed him.

Before you could speak again Joseph moved forward, touching his lips to yours, barely a kiss, but that’s what it was. He pulled back immediately, a look of instant regret on his face.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t- I shouldn’t have-“ He struggled to apologize. You silenced him with your lips, you pressed them to his gently, tenderly, your hand rested on his chest as you kissed.

He made no move to deepen the kiss or go any further with you and you were glad, you enjoyed this small intimacy but didn’t know if you wanted to push for more with him. You finally ended the kiss and nuzzled your head into the crook of his neck, he placed a kiss on the top of your head and you both drifted off to sleep.

You got up early the next morning, without waking Joseph you slipped out of his arms and went back to your room. Your thoughts were a tangled mess as you remembered the kiss last night, you wondered if it meant anything and of course you thought about John, how he would feel about it. If he would be glad you found comfort in his brother’s arms or would he feel betrayed? You showered as you continued to worry and overthink. You dressed and left your room, heading towards the common room for the service. There were a few people there waiting but not many, you decided to sit in the back, that way you could leave if you needed to without being noticed. As you were waiting Joseph walked into the room, he paused when he saw you, a soft smile spread across his face. He placed his hand on your shoulder.

“Sit up front, close to me.” He urged you to move from your seat. You were hesitant but you didn’t want to refuse him. You stood and followed him to the front, of course the few people who were there watched you intensely.

You took your seat and waited for him to start, you could hear the whispers behind you, but you chose to ignore them, even though anxiety had settled in your stomach at the whole situation you sat quietly and listened to every word Joseph said. He spoke about the outside world, what it would be like when you left the bunker, he seemed so hopeful in front of the followers, but when he was alone, when he was with you, he seemed more melancholy, obviously still mourning the loss of his family. He could be his true self with you, that realization brought you comfort, knowing The Father felt so at ease with you that he could let his guard down. Once the sermon came to an end you left quietly, you knew Joseph would try to urge you to stay longer but you wanted to get back to your room.

Later that night you made the walk to his room for dinner. As soon as you entered you were enveloped in a hug, his arms wrapping around you tightly.

“Thank you for being there this morning.” He beamed down at you.

“I’m glad I went, it was nice.” His arms finally released you. That small gesture of you going to the sermon had made him so happy, happier than you’d seen him in a long time.

You sat down to eat as he continued to talk about the outside world and how it was going to be reborn and beautiful. You really hoped he was right, but you worried about how things would change once you were out of the bunker. You finished eating and cleaned up, Joseph grabbed a book from the shelf and sat down in the armchair to read. You don’t know what came over you, but you wanted to be close to him, you walked over and sat in his lap, your legs across him as you rested your head on his chest. Once you were settled, he began to read out loud.

You listened to him as he read, his voice had become something of an anxiety reliever for you, just hearing him could calm you down in an instant. You stared at him as he read, your eyes settling on his lips, you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about that kiss since it ended. You placed your hand on his cheek and turned his face towards you, leaning up an pressing your lips to his softly. He put the book down, giving you his full attention as his hand rested over your legs.

Your lips moved rhythmically together, touching softly, his tongue lapping at your bottom lip every now and then. You were content in this moment, no racing thoughts, no worries, just you and him. You could feel him hardening beneath you, but he made no motions to press you further, he seemed just as happy simply kissing you.

“It’s late, we should go to bed.” He spoke against your lips. You continued kissing him and nodded your head.

His arm slid beneath your legs as the other wrapped around your back, he stood, lifting you effortlessly and took you over to the bed. You immediately moved closer to him once he was in the bed next to you, your closing the distance between you and latching your lips to his once again. You draped your leg over him and could feel his hardness, he gasped at your slight touch. You couldn’t deny that all this kissing had stirred something inside you, you hadn’t had sex since your last night with John, but you weren’t sure if you were ready yet.

“Wait. We need to talk before we continue.” He said pulling back from you.

“I don’t want you to feel obligated to anything, I’m perfectly happy just kissing, or just sleeping in the bed together. You don’t have to do more if you don’t want to.”

You considered his words for a moment, “I-I’m not sure if I want to go further than kissing right now.” You really didn’t know what you wanted, but right now you didn’t like the absence of his lips.

“That’s alright.” He smiled before returning his lips to yours. You continued to kiss lazily through the night until you were too tired to move your lips anymore.

You woke up wrapped in each other again, your limbs tangled with his. You would’ve been happy staying like this for the rest of your time here, you felt calm and at peace in his arms, like you used to with John. It had gotten a little easier throughout the days, he no longer plagued your mind, Joseph reminded you of him often, in subtle movements, he had some of the same expressions, and in his eyes, the way he looked at you. You knew you had a decision to make, Joseph was all you had now, even when you leave the bunker, he was it. You still weren’t sure if this was something you wanted to pursue. You hadn’t really thought of Joseph in that way, besides the occasional sex dream, though you never mentioned it to anyone, especially not John, he would’ve lost it.

“Did you know you were tensing your body?” Joseph spoke groggily.

“Sorry, I was just lost in thought.” You relaxed your muscles, you really didn’t realize you’d been doing it.

“Anything you want to talk about?” He pulled you closer against his chest.

“Yes actually, could we talk about it later tonight?” You turned around and faced him.

“Of course, anything I need to be concerned about?” He tucked your hair behind your ear, his eyes full of concern.

“No, not at all.” You smiled slightly.

“Okay, we should get up.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead.

You went back to your room, still trying to figure out what you wanted. Joseph was kind and caring, he has been taking care of you since everything and hasn’t asked you for anything in return. You showered and dressed, the rest of the day you read and weighed your options with Joseph.

The time passed quickly, you made your way down to his room, fidgeting with your fingers as you walked. His door was open so you tapped lightly before entering.

“There you are, you look great. Hungry?” He greeted you as he moved about his room, setting your food down on the table.

“I’m not hungry right now. Can we talk first?” You chewed on your lip nervously.

“Of course, what do you want to talk about?” He sat down at the table.

You didn’t sit, you remained standing, you figured it would help you gain the confidence to say what you needed to. You paced in front of him, trying to find the right words. Joseph watched you for a moment as you walked and fidgeted, he grabbed your hands and stopped you from moving, pulling you in front of him.

“What is it?” He looked up at you worried.

“I, um-“ You literally couldn’t find the words, so you decided on actions.

You launched yourself at Joseph, straddling his lap your lips crashed into his, kissing him hungrily. Joseph was caught off guard by your sudden attack. He grabbed your face and pulled you back.

“What’s gotten into you?”

“I just- I want to- Please don’t make me say it.” You felt overwhelmingly awkward.

“What do you want?” His thumb brushed over your lip.

Your heart pounded at his touch, you stared into his eyes as you licked the tip of his thumb lightly, you half expected him to pull it away, but he didn’t, he pushed his thumb into your mouth as you sucked and licked it. He pulled his thumb from your mouth and kissed you again.

He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer to him, his lips left yours and trailed down your neck. His hands weren’t possessive like John’s, he was more tender and loving in the way he held you. Your fingers threaded through his beard, tugging gently. You grabbed the hem of your shirt and pulled it over your head, dropping it to the floor. The only time you’d been naked in front of him was when he helped care for you when your wounds had gotten infected. Things had changed so much since then, you never thought you’d be in his lap about to have sex with him. His eyes roamed over your body, his hand touched the scars on your stomach, memories of his brother flooded his mind.

“Can we hold off? Just for a bit?” He looked up at you.

“Of course.” You kissed his forehead and slid off his lap, you bent to grab your shirt, but he stopped you. He grabbed the waistband of your pants and pushed them down, leaving you in just your underwear. He stood and removed his pants as well, grabbing your hand and guiding you to the bed.

He laid down and you joined him, he pulled you back against him. You felt the warmth of his skin on yours as his arms wrapped around you. You were relieved that he wanted to wait, you were content with this for now.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph made it clear he wanted to take things slow, and you were content with that.

You paced your room, biting your finger nails nervously, Joseph said he wanted to talk with you but didn’t say why. You assumed it could only be about what happened the other night. He didn’t say anything that morning, which you were glad for, you felt stupid and guilty for launching yourself at him like that, not really knowing if he even wanted to go further. A light tap came to your door, you took a deep breath before opening it.

“May I come in?” Joseph asked, you nodded, and he entered your room, closing the door behind him.

“How are doing tonight?”

“I’m fine, can we skip all this and talk about whatever you wanted to talk about?” You were anxious and wanted to get this over with. If he was going to turn you down then you’d rather it happened quickly.

“Alright, I wanted to talk to you about the other night, when you- when we-“

“If you’re not attracted to me in that way just tell me. I don’t need your pity.” You interrupted him.

“No, no it’s not that.” He moved towards you.

“I’m sure you could tell that I was attracted to you, but when I saw your scars, I thought of John. I know you loved him and he loved you, and I know he’s gone, but I still feel a sense of guilt.” He dropped his gaze from you to the floor. You could tell this had been on his mind a good bit.

“Joseph, I know how you feel, but I just-I wanted to feel a connection with someone again and I’ve felt that with you for the past year. I miss the intimacy with another person, the passion.” You grabbed his hand and held it lightly in your own.

“I’ve enjoyed our time together as well, and the prospect of having more with you makes me hopeful.” His hand caressed your cheek.

“Maybe we should take it slow then?”

“I’d like that.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips to yours, tenderly kissing you. You weren’t sure if things would go any further than this, for now you were content with that.

The next week went by quickly, you continued to take things slow with Joseph, though most nights you slept together you both resorted to wearing very little, enjoying the feeling of each other’s skin and warmth. You continued to think about John that week, if he would want you to be happy with his brother. A hard knock came to your door, it wasn’t time for dinner yet so it shouldn’t be Joseph, but you didn’t talk with anyone else. You opened the door and as soon as you did you were pushed back into your room, Joseph’s hands on your hips as he kissed you fervently. You struggled in his grasp, thrown off by his sudden attack.

“Joseph…” You gasped as his mouth moved to your neck, his hands squeezing your hips, remaining silent. You wanted to stop him, but his hands roaming over your body felt too good.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, as he continued to trail kisses along your neck and chest. Suddenly he stopped and looked at you.

“Do you want this?”

“Yes, Joseph.” You nodded your head and he crashed his lips into yours again, walking you back towards the bed. Your legs hit the mattress and you fell back, his body covering your immediately as he continued kissing you, his hands all over you.

You moaned at his touch, it had been so long, too long. Joseph’s lips grazed over your heated flesh, down your neck to your breasts. He reveled in the way your body responded to him already, your nipples hardened under his breath, you arched your back and tilted your hips up to meet him. You wanted him, needed him. You loved John still, but this was different, this was just scratching an itch. Joseph didn’t wait long to build you up, he wanted this just as badly. He pushed your dress up over your hips and pulled your panties to the side before he shoved his cock into you. You gasped loudly at the feeling of being stretched. Joseph groaned at your tightness as he waited to move. Once you were adjusted to him he thrust into you hard. Both of you letting out your stress and frustrations into this, letting him take you the way John had so long ago, without a second thought.

You wrapped your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck as he thrust into you, the bed slamming against the concrete wall. If it had been any other time you would’ve worried about the sounds, but neither of you cared in this moment. Joseph’s breathing picked up as you moaned and whimpered beneath him. It didn’t take long for either of you to find your release. He growled as he spilled inside you and you moaned his name as you came.

“Fuck, Joseph.” You panted as he pulled out of you. He kissed your lips softly and laid beside you. You rolled over and rested your head on his chest as you both tried to regain control over your breathing.

“Did you get it?” He peered of his brother’s shoulder impatiently.

“I didn’t get it 5 seconds ago when you asked and I sure as hell don’t have it now. It takes a while to rebuild a radio, John.” Jacob glared at him before returning to his work.

“It’s been so long, Jacob. I need to know if she’s okay, if she still-“ His voice trailed off.

“I know John, I’m trying.”

Just as Jacob spoke the radio cracked to life, static buzzing over the speakers. John’s face lit up at the sound. Jacobs turned the dial to the channel he knew was the same as John’s bunker. He handed John the mic. John pressed the button and spoke.

_“Hello? Joseph? Anyone there?”_

Your heart stopped when you heard his voice, you sat up and stared at the radio across the room, as did Joseph. At first you thought you were hallucinating, that you had gone crazy, but then you heard him again and again. You looked over at Joseph, both of them in complete shock to hear John.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it's been so long since my last update! I've been moving and started a new job, it's just been hectic.

Your heart pounded as you and Joseph sat in disbelief, staring at the radio. John called out again and you were shaken from your trance. You looked at Joseph, asking for answers, for some kind of guidance.

“Wh-What do we do? We just- We literally just had sex, he can’t know, we can’t tell him. No, we have to tell him, I can’t keep that from him.“ Your voice was panicked.

“I’m- We don’t say anything yet. Just hold off.” Joseph reached for the radio and answered his brother.

 _“J-John is that you?”_ His hand trembled.

_“Joseph? It’s you, it’s really you. We didn’t know if anyone was still out there.”_

_“We? Is Jacob with you?”_

_“Yeah, it’s just us here in his bunker. We didn’t have time to get anyone else when the bombs went off.”_

_“I am so relieved to hear your voice John. After all this time, we didn’t know-“_

_“Joseph, is- Is she there with you?“_

Joseph looked over at you, tears already swelling in your eyes at the sound of John’s voice. He handed you the radio and you struggled to find the strength to push the button.

 _“John…”_ Your voice was barely above a whisper.

 _“My sinner, sweet sinner. I’ve missed your voice so much.”_ John’s voice cracked with emotion as he spoke. You closed your eyes, swearing you could feel his touch against your cheek.

_“You- You’re alive. I thought, we thought you were dead.”_

_“I thought I was too. If it hadn’t been for Jacob I would’ve been. I’m so sorry I left, I never should’ve-“_

_“It’s alright, none of that matters. All that matters now is that you’re alive and safe.”_ The tears were streaming down your face now as you choked back a full sob, you didn’t want him to ask what was wrong because you weren’t sure if you could keep from telling him.

 _“You can fuck over the radio later.”_ Jacob’s voice carried over the radio.

_“I got a plan but I need your help, Joseph. We think it might be safe to travel outside, but only for a brief amount of time. I’ve mapped out the route to where you are and it would put John and I out there for about an hour.”_

_“What do you need, Jacob?”_

_“We have to do this down to the exact minute. When we...”_

Jacob continued to talk, explaining their plan on getting to your bunker. You half listened as your heart sank in your chest. You wanted more than anything to be wrapped in John’s embrace again, but would he want you after he found out? You weren’t sure if you should tell him or Joseph, would it even matter who it came from at this point? It wasn’t just the sex either, you had formed a relationship with Joseph, a closeness, John might be able to forgive the physical act, but would it be the same with the emotional connection? You chewed on your cheek as anxiety formed in your stomach.

“Are you okay?” Joseph turned to you after he and Jacob had finished.

“No. We have to tell him before he makes the trip here. We can’t throw it on him and be in this bunker for the next however many years in an awkward love triangle thing. This is all so fucked.” You rested your head in your hands.

“You’re right.” Joseph moved towards you and sat down. He wrapped his arm around you and held you close.

You knew you should have pushed him away, you should have ended everything, but he was there for you when you had no one. He fed you, cared for you, and showed you love when you had lost everything. You rested your head on his shoulder and exhaled a deep breath you had been holding in.

“You know I never would have touched you had I known he was still alive, right?” Joseph rested his chin on your head.

“I know. That’s what makes this all so hard. I love you both.” It was the first time you had admitted you loved Joseph, but both of you knew it before this.

“I’ll tell him. It should come from me. Tomorrow.” He kissed the top of your head and stood to leave.

“Stay, please?” You grabbed his hand and pulled him back to you.

He smiled slightly and nodded as you moved up the bed. He joined you and pulled you into his arms as you both tried your best to sleep.

You told Joseph you wanted to be there when he spoke to John, you weren’t going to go hide while he did all the hard work.

“Are you ready?” He cupped your face in his hands as he stared down at you.

“No, but we have to do it.”

You closed your eyes as Joseph pressed his lips to your forehead, both of you reveling in the brief moment of peace before everything changed.

 _“John, are you there?”_ Joseph tapped his fingers impatiently as he waited, you paced the room as you both waited.

_“Yeah, I was just getting some things ready for the trip.”_

_“I need to talk to you before you come here. It’s important that you listen until I’ve finished.”_

_“Alright… What is it?”_ John sat down, waiting for Joseph to speak.

 _“You know I love you, you’re my brother, my flesh, and I would never do anything to cause you any harm or pain. And you know she loves you too, I can’t speak for her, but I think were the only person she’s ever truly loved.”_ Joseph turned to you as you chewed on your fingernail. There was a silence over the radio until John spoke.

_“What’s going on, Joseph?”_

_“What I have to say isn’t easy, brother. But I feel like it must be said before you come here.”_ Another silence fell over the radio, this time it was longer before anyone spoke.

 _“Say it. Fucking say it, Joseph.”_ You could hear John’s voice tremble and your heart broke.

_“We have grown closer during this time; we have comforted each other through the loss we felt.”_

_“Jesus, just fucking spit it out. You fucked her didn’t you?”_ John shouted over the radio causing you to jump.

 _“Yes, John.”_ Joseph answered simply.

_“Is she there? Let me talk to her.”_

Joseph looked over to you and held out the radio. You grabbed it with a shaking hand.

_“John, I’m sor-“_

_“How could you? I thought- I thought you loved me?”_

_“It wasn’t like that, I thought you were dead. You were gone. It’s not like we had sex the second you were out the door.”_

_“That’s supposed to make me feel better?! You fucked my brother.”_ He yelled.

 _“John, I still love you. I love bo-“_ You stopped yourself but it was too late.

_“You love him?”_

You felt your breath get caught in your throat as you waited for him to say something, anything, but there was only silence.

 _“I hate to cut in here, but we don’t exactly have a choice on whether we come there or not.”_ You heard Jacob’s voice.

_“What do you mean?”_

_“We’re running low on supplies. I’d say we have about a week’s worth of clean water left. And food, we probably got enough to last 2 weeks. We were in the middle of supplying my bunker when things went to shit. So it’s gonna be awkward as Hell, but we don’t have another option.”_

You handed the radio to Joseph and sat down on the bed. John was so angry, he would never forgive you now.

“He hates me, doesn’t he?” You glanced up at Joseph.

“No, he’s just hurt right now. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy when he gets here, but we’ll deal with whatever happens.”

The next few days were spent in a constant state of anxiety as you waited for the day when John and Jacob would be there. Joseph spent the time comforting you and trying to be supportive, he knew it was just as hard for you as it was for him. You counted the hours and minutes down until the day, Jacob radioed one more time before they set out for your bunker. 1 hour and they’d be there, 1 hour and you’d see the man you thought was dead, the man you love, and you couldn’t have been more worried.


	11. Chapter 11

Your chest was tight, your mind flooded with the possible reactions John might have when he saw you. He’d be pissed and ignore you or he’d yell and shout at you. Honestly you weren’t sure which one you preferred. Joseph approached as you stood at the bunker door.

“You should find something to distract your mind. I’m sure all you’re doing is thinking about the ways John is going to react to seeing you.” Joseph placed his hands on your shoulders from behind as he kissed your head.

“I swear, you’re psychic sometimes. And I have tried occupying myself, but nothing is helping.” You placed your hand over his as a silence fell over you both.

The minutes ticked by as you remembered everything you’d been through with John, your atonement, when you got sick from the infection, how he cared for you so sweetly. You wondered if he’d even want to talk to you anymore, he sounded so betrayed and hurt. You wouldn’t blame him if he wanted nothing to do with you. But you were conflicted, you loved John still, but now you loved Joseph as well.

Your entire body tensed when you heard the outer door to the bunker open, you squeezed Joseph’s hand as you both stared at the door. Momentarily you stopped breathing as you saw Jacob and John enter the doorway. They were covered head to toe in dust and dirt, their faces covered with bandanas.

“Jacob… John…” Joseph spoke in a hushed tone as his eyes watered. He released your hand and headed for his brothers, arms stretched open.

You stood back and watched the interaction, hoping you’d stay invisible to John. But that didn’t last long when Jacob saw you.

“You’re looking well, pup.” He smiled as he approached you. Joseph released John as they all turned their attention to you.

  
“You’re uh… You’re looking absolutely filthy.” You smirked slightly.

“Well, being out in a complete wasteland will do that to you.”

You looked over to John who had been staring at you silently. You weren’t sure whether to hug him or run from him and the look on his face gave you no indication of which to choose.

“Jacob, let me show you where your room is.” Joseph lightly touched your arm as he walked by and headed down the corridor with Jacob.

“Um, how was the trip?” You searched for anything to say to break the uncomfortable silence as John’s gaze never left yours. He stepped forward, moving closer to you.

“It was fine.” His voice was low as he eyed you up and down.

“Did you run into any problems?” You swallowed hard at the predatory look he had in his eyes, even after all this time he could still disarm you with a look.

“No.” He raised his hand to brush against your cheek. You leaned into his touch and closed your eyes. You had missed everything about him, even the slightest touch.

“Did you think about me?” He asked as he caressed your face.

“Every minute since the last time I saw you.” Your heart pounded at his closeness.

“I tried to make it back to you, but I couldn’t. You don’t know how sorry I am that I couldn’t.” His face was so close to yours now, you could hear his voice cracking.

“It’s okay, John. I’m just glad you’re alive.” You placed your hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat beneath your palm.

“It’s not okay, you’re in love with Joseph now. You’re not mine anymore, little sinner.”

That pet name still had an effect on you, you reached up and brushed your thumb across his lips, you’d missed this intimacy with him, this closeness.

“I’ll always be yours, John.” You moved forward and pressed your lips to his, he stilled for a moment before relaxing into your touch. He walked you back into the wall and rested his hands on your hips.

Your lips and tongues entangled with each other as he deepened the kiss, pulling at your skin, needing you closer. You wrapped your arms around his neck as you moaned into his mouth. The weight of his body pressed you against the wall, you could feel his cock hardening against your stomach as you kissed. Your body responded to him immediately like no time had passed.

“John…” You whispered breathlessly against his lips.

“I fucking missed you.” His hands held your face as he kissed you again.

Your attention was torn away when you heard someone clearing their throat. You both looked to see Joseph had returned and was staring uncomfortably at you.

“I’m glad to see you’ve reunited, but we need to discuss some things.”

The anxiety in your stomach returned; you knew this was going to be the most awkward conversation between three people. You glanced back at John as you followed Joseph to your room.

Once inside, Joseph closed the door behind you. You weren’t sure if you should stand or sit, or just run away. You decided to sit on the edge of the bed. John gravitated towards you and sat next to you. Joseph remained standing, looking as though he was searching for the right words to use.

“I know this isn’t an ideal situation and there is no easy way to do this, so, I will remove myself from the equation. She loved you first, John.”

You glanced to John and back to Joseph, wondering if you were understanding him correctly. Surely, he wasn’t saying what you thought he was.

“I only want to make things easier for you and John.”

You felt a familiar pull in your chest, he was letting you go, letting you be with John. He was putting you and his brother before his own feelings.

“That’s not- You can’t. I thought you loved me? The time we’ve spent together down here, you helped me-“ Your mind was racing and your heart pounding. You didn’t want to lose him like you’d lost John.

“This is how it has to be.” Joseph stepped closer as his hand brushed against your cheek, a sadness filling his eyes showing he wanted to say more but he held back.

“But it’s not fair. I-I love you, I love you both.” You placed your hand over his, begging for him not to do this.

“You’ll see in time that this is for the best.” Joseph leaned down and pressed a kiss to your forehead, lingering for a moment before pulling away and leaving the room.

Tears filled your eyes before they streamed down your cheeks. Your heart was broken, even though you had John next to you, you still wanted Joseph. John wrapped his arm around you and pulled you closer as you began to sob. You knew this had to be hard on him and here he was comforting you after your break-up.

Over the next few days you fell into old habits, just as you had done when you thought John was dead. Sleep was elusive, food no longer interested you. You stayed in your bed, crying on and off. You had been through so much and this tipped you over the edge. John worried day and night, he wanted you better, he tried to get you to eat.

“Please, you have to eat something.” He sat on the edge of the bed, holding a plate of crackers.

“I’m not hungry, John.” You waved your hand dismissively.

“It’s been 3 days since you’ve eaten or drank anything. You can’t go on like this.” He noticed how you moved weakly; your body no longer had the nourishment it needed.

You remained silent and stared at the wall in front of you, refusing to look at him. That hurt him the most, but you knew if you looked at him the overwhelming guilt would take you again. You were hurting because of your love for Joseph, but also that you allowed yourself to get into this situation. You felt guilt for having those feelings for him and even now you still loved him despite having John by your side.

John didn’t push you; he didn’t complain or yell, he was patient. Something he struggled with before the bombs went off. He remained silent about any qualms he had or feelings, he wanted to give you time. He patted your shoulder before sighing and leaving your room.

“Did she eat?” Jacob asked once John closed the door.

“No, nothing. I don’t know what to do, she’s going to die if she doesn’t start eating soon.”

John paced the hall before making the decision to talk with Joseph. He had been with her through the worst, maybe he could help. He made his way towards his room and hesitated before knocking on the door.

“Come in.” Joseph shouted from the other side of the door. John slowly opened the door and entered the room.

“I need your help. She isn’t eating. Or sleeping for that matter. She cries at night and I-I don’t know what to do.” John started talking immediately, everting his gaze from Joseph.

“She went through the same thing when we thought you had passed.” Joseph placed his book on the table and looked up at John.

“Well, how did you get her to eat?”

“I read to her. She was able to focus on something other than the pain for a brief moment.”

“I’ll try that.” John turned to leave.

“Wait. John, we need to talk.” Joseph stood up and approached him.

“No, we really don’t.” John turned back around to face Joseph.

“She is never going to get through this if we can’t make amends.”

“Amends? You want to talk about amends? You fucked her, but worse than that you made her fall in love with you. How am I supposed to make amends with that?” John raised his voice, releasing the anger and emotions he had been holding in for your sake.

“I didn’t mean for that to happen, John. I only meant to comfort her when she thought you had died.”

“Pretty convenient for you. Maybe we should let Jacob take a run at her too, hm? Just let her be with everybody in this fucking family. You know what, you told me to love her, to accept her into my heart and when I finally did, I thought that was the best thing to ever happen in my life. I loved her with everything I fucking had and I still do, but now, now she can’t even function without you. How do you think that makes me feel?” John was seething with anger, he just wanted to hold you again, for you to love him and only him.

“She loves you more than she can ever love me, you have to know that. She almost died here in the first few weeks. She paced at that door for hours until you arrived. She’s conflicted right now, that’s why I ended things, to make it easier on her.”

“Well, we see how much good that did.” John snapped.

“What are you doing out of bed, pup?” Jacob’s voice startled you. You slowly turned to face him, pulling your ear away from Joseph’s door.

“I wanted to hear better.”

“They saying anything you didn’t already know?” He stood with his arms crossed as he stared down at your frail frame.

“No. I hate that I caused all this. I never meant-“

“Don’t apologize. Ain’t your fault. You did what anyone would have done in your position. But unfortunately, it’s gonna be on you to fix it.”

“I know.” You nodded your head. You grabbed Jacob’s arm as he helped you back to your room, the faint sounds of John and Joseph arguing still filled the hall.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter to this story. I'm feeling a lot of things as I end this, it was my very first chaptered Far Cry 5 fanfiction and I started it when I was just getting into my own style of writing. I wanted to thank everyone who stuck with me through this fic, I can't thank you guys enough for reading and commenting. Thank you so much!

Over the next few days you started to eat small meals, determined not to be the wedge between the two men you loved. You had a plan, well, an outline to a plan. You asked John for some privacy, some time to think. Of course, he assumed you were rejecting him and stormed off. He wanted to be understanding but he didn’t love anyone else for the time he was gone, he pined after you and his heart ached at the thought of losing you again. You wanted to tell him that you were trying to fix things, but it would’ve taken more time and effort and it was easier to talk to them both at the same time. You wanted everything to be fine between him and Joseph and you didn’t want to wait very long for that to happen.

Once you were finally getting your strength back you invited them both to dinner in your room. You informed them both that the other would be there and that you wanted to talk about things. You paced your room nervously, hoping your plan, or outline worked. A knock at your door startled you briefly, you approached the door and opened it to see Joseph, of course he would be early. You hadn’t really seen him in a while, he looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

“Joseph, please come in.” You stepped aside and invited him in.

Just as he was walking in, John approached behind him.

“Right on time.” You smiled but John held a stoic expression.

You released a deep breath and closed the door behind you. You turned to see them standing as far apart as they could in the small room, neither looking at the other.

“Can you two get along for a few minutes while we eat together?” You finally spoke, bringing their awareness to their pettiness.

“Of course, I’m sorry.” Joseph spoke softly, annoying John that he’d caught your favor first.

John jumped at the chance to pull your chair out for you and smiled smugly at Joseph when he did. He was literally a child, but you couldn’t blame him.

Eating dinner had never been more awkward at any point in history. The scrapes of forks against plates echoed through the room. You waited to see if either of them would say anything, but they remained silent.

“Okay, Jesus I can’t take this silence anymore. I have something to say and I want both of you to listen.” You dropped the fork on your plate and looked up at them, both of their eyes on you.

“I know this situation sucks but if I had the chance to do things differently I wouldn’t. John, I fell in love with you so fast, you opened yourself up to me and let me see your vulnerability. You made me feel like you’d die for me.”

“I-“ he tried to speak but you held your hand up.

“Let me finish.”

“You loved me so passionately and fiercely that when I thought you were dead, pieces of me died with you. I was broken, I wanted so desperately to just die and end the pain I felt. But Joseph was there. He sat with me, showed me kindness when all I wanted was for him to take your place. He helped me find those pieces of myself that I thought I had lost with you and I can never thank him enough.”

They both held their attention on you as you spoke, hanging on every word as if it were the most important thing they’d ever hear.

“Okay, here comes the hard part.” You took a deep breath and let it out.

“I love you both. I can’t help that, I fell in love with both of you and when Joseph broke up with me I felt like I was losing the pieces he’d helped me find all over again. I want to be with both of you but I understand if you aren’t okay with that.”

“You’re not choosing Joseph over me?” John looked at you worried.

“Of course not.”

“I’m so sorry-“ Joseph grabbed your hand across the table and you felt your heart sink.

“I never meant to hurt you or put you in this situation. I only wanted to see you happy again.”

“I’m going to need some time.” John watched your interaction with Joseph. He pushed his chair back and stood up.

“Oh, okay…” You stared up at him, a little caught off guard by his actions.

“I think I do too.” Joseph said as he released your hand.

They both headed for the door as you watched them leave. You wanted to say more, to run to both of them and stop them from leaving, but you knew it was only fair they have some time to think about things. You were asking a lot of them, for them to love one person but you get to love two. You slouched in your chair as you watched the door close.

You shouldn’t have been sad, but you were. You felt like you were losing them both at the same time and like your heart was being torn in two. You crawled into your bed and began to cry into your pillow. Nothing had been easy since the day the bombs went off and you wanted nothing more than to sleep and never wake up.

You shifted in the bed as you felt it dip down behind you and an arm wrapping around you. You turned your head to see John resting his head on your shoulder. Just as you were going to speak you felt the bed shift in front of you, you faced forward to see Joseph settling in. His thumb brushed over your tear stained cheeks as he pressed his lips to yours softly. You felt John’s lips and beard on your shoulder.

“We thought about it and we decided that we much prefer to see you whole than missing pieces.” Joseph spoke against your lips.

3 years later…

“I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this to any of you, but-“ You stood there completely baffled that any of them thought this was a good idea.

“Don’t get so worked up, pup. It’s just temporary.” Jacob turned to you.

“Darling, it’s a work in progress. In the meantime, we’ll still sleep in the bunker.” John wrapped his arms around you from behind, as much as he could anyways.

“I just thought the second time I gave birth would be in a more sterile environment than a hut.” You placed your hands over his as they rested on your round belly.

John was about to say something but a loud, sudden shriek startled you both. You knew that sound well and headed towards it, John and Jacob already ahead of you. As you approached the bunker you saw Joseph holding the source of the crying.

“Is she okay?” You walked closer, John already crowding Joseph to check on her.

“Shhh, shhh, it’s alright.” He calmed her as he patted her back and held her.

“She tripped trying to run up the steps.” He spoke softly as he continued to coddle her.

“Aw, my poor baby.” You reached for her, but she tucked her head under Joseph’s chin and held onto him.

“Let daddy see your knee.” John gently reaches for her leg as she held it out for him to see, still sniffling with tears running down her cheeks.

“Want me to kiss it and make it better?” He asked as she stared at him with her big blue eyes. She pouted and sniffled again, nodding her head.

John smirked and kissed the red mark on her leg softly.

"All better?"

“Mmhm.” She nodded her head again.

“Ow” You placed your hand over your stomach as you felt a pain shoot through you.

“You okay?” Joseph turned to you.

“Yeah, just- Ow, okay maybe not. I think it’s time.” You felt another shock of pain move through your stomach.

“Shit, let’s get you inside.” John grabbed your hand and led you down the stairs slowly.

“Why don’t you play with uncle Jacob while daddy goes to help mommy?” Joseph handed her to Jacob after kissing her head softly.

John helped you onto the bed and gathered some supplies quickly. He returned with Joseph close behind.

“How far apart are the contractions?” Joseph knelt beside the bed and held your hand.

“Just- fuck- a few minutes, they’re coming quick.” You closed your eyes and tried to breathe.

“It’s okay, we’re here. Just breathe.” John held your other hand and let you squeeze it as hard as you could.

The second baby was somewhat easier, you remembered giving birth to Lucy, John and Joseph were panicking as much as you were. You pushed and pushed for hours, you were so exhausted and ready to give up, she was being stubborn and refusing to come out. You never saw either of them look so awe struck as when she finally made her appearance into the world. This time was different, everything was moving faster, and John and Joseph seemed to be decently calm. You pushed a few times and stopped to breathe, then pushed again. Finally, the baby started to crown and you pushed again. Joseph held the towel and helped pull the baby out the rest of the way.

“It’s-It’s a boy!” He stared down at the baby, his heart completely full of love.

“A boy?” John kissed your head and rushed over to see him.

You watched as they fawned over him, counting his fingers and toes to make sure they were all there. You smiled as you thought of everything you’d been through up to this point, everything with the Resistance and the Seed’s, all of the ups and downs. You could honestly say you were content with your life as it is now, and you wouldn’t trade it for the world.


End file.
